I never want this week to end! The minute Halloween is over I’m automatically one month behind in preparing for Christmas. Plus I love everything Halloween. Sigh. Here’s our last dance with pumpkins this week.
My mom is watching both boys for an overnight tomorrow so Kevin threw out some date ideas. I can’t decide! They all sound good!! Which one would you pick?
Option 1: “Dirty” date – weather is supposed to be nice so we can work in the garden together, just like old times
Option 2: Painting date – our bathroom remodel begins tomorrow so we could paint it this weekend before all the fancy stuff gets in there and makes us nervous about painting
Option 3: Rock Band date – throw back a few drinks in the basement and rock out with the new Rock Band III keyboard
Option 4: Opulent date – dinner at a fancy restaurant in Seattle; I wear something shiny
Option 5: Funny date – hit up a comedy club (although seriously, what are the chances we could find someone funnier than me?!)
Option 6: Music – we can find some live music to go to
Option 7: Host our own scrapbooking festival
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD YOU.
1. For Kevin’s birthday party we decked Vincenzo’s stuffed animals out in party hats and had them yell “SURPRISE!” when Kevin came home. I noticed V put two of the animals in the dark bathroom instead of the bedroom with the other animals. He pointed out that those animals had hats made out of paper that sparkled in the light and he didn’t want the other animals would get jealous. Awwwww.
2. Vincenzo, in the car: “It’s not fair that kids’ windows don’t get windshield wipers. What we drove by something really cool, like Chuck E. Cheese, and we couldn’t see it? That would be horrible! When I grow up I’m going to sit in the back of the car and look out the back window because it has its own windshield wiper.”
3. Vincenzo, pointing finger laser at me: PSHEW!
Me, pointing back: PSHEW!
V: PSHEW PSHEW!
Me: PSHEW PSHEW PSHEW PSHEW!
V: Ha HA! Personal bubble all around me.
Me: [brandishing pinky finger] Needle.
V: Rebuild personal bubble
Me: Steal personal bubble! Run away with personal bubble!
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Mint chocolate chip cookies
*“Doing nothing” includes not batting an eye when he bought Rock Band III and called it his birthday present, then followed it up with not one but two $500 tickets for the front row of a WWE event. So “doing nothing” is actually a really good gift.
We discourage Vincenzo from using potty talk outside of telling us he needs to go to the bathroom or that he needs help wiping or that Rocco was left naked in the nursery, pooped on the floor, and is eating it. * That sort of thing. He’s actually pretty good about not going to crazy with the poop and potty talk. In fact, I’m beginning to realize it’s me and Kevin who need the lecture, as was made evident from this bout of pretend play last night.
CHARACTERS: RACHEL as DRAGON, an immature and despicable creature; KEVIN as FOOTBALL BEAR, an even more immature and despicable creature, and VINCENZO as HIMSELF, a child whose gets his kicks by handing each of his parents a stuffed animal and then sitting back.
SCENE: Vincenzo is wearing FOOTBALL BEAR’S helmet; FOOTBALL BEAR is looking for it; DRAGON is conspicuous by his absence
FB BEAR: Hey. Has anyone seen my helmet?
VINCENZO: [Wearing helmet] No.
FB BEAR grabs helmet; struggle ensues; FB Bear reclaims helmet and puts it on head.
VINCENZO: [Angry, IRL] HEY! That’s not FAIR. I was wearing that helmet.
DRAGON: Psst, hey Vincenzo. You’ll never guess what I did this morning.
DRAGON: I POOPED in bear’s helmet!
VINCENZO washes hair
FB BEAR: I am hereby and henceforth changing all poop everywhere in the world into… FUDGE!
FB BEAR removes helmet and begins eating from it
VINCENZO: That looks yummy!
FB BEAR shares “fudge” with VINCENZO. DRAGON excuses himself to make his own batch of fudge and returns, eating it.
FB BEAR: Hey Dragon, I heard what you did in my helmet. You know what I think about it?
FB BEAR pees on dragon.
DRAGON: [Looks momentarily disgusted, then is struck by an ingenious thought] I’m hereby and henceforth changing all pee everywhere to…LEMONADE!
VINCENZO: Lemonade? I love lemonade!
DRAGON: [holding out arm] Here, have a lick. It’s really good! Hey FB Bear, what do you think of that!
FB BEAR removes football pants, pees into cup.
FB BEAR: Lemonade for sale! Get your fresh, warm lemonade here! Lemonade for sale…
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Salad with blue cheese, roasted walnuts, and cranberry vinaigrette
Fudge and lemonade
*I do not deserve to have kids.
Almost two months ago I got an e-mail from a friend-of-a-friend. She had just lost her baby girl within days of her due date, and she didn’t know of anyone else who had experienced such a loss. I have done my best to help her understand something I have recently been through even though I’m the first to admit I don’t understand it either. Empathy? I have that. Advice? I’ve got tons. Understanding life and death, dead babies, understanding why us? I honestly don’t have a clue.
MB is still in the stage where grief feels raw, where uncertainty rules, and where life seems unfair. She has done so much to remember her baby Reese by already and she is doing an amazing job helping her baby put goodness and love into the world when a different person would only be able to give sadness.
We are both part of the same club now. A club you would never sign up for on your own, but once you meet the qualifications you grab hands with everyone in there and you hold on tight. We share the burden of keeping our babies alive long after their time has passed. And yes, it does feel like a burden at times. It is such a responsibility, keeping a memory alive when you are the only person who ever came close to knowing the baby and when some others are made uncomfortable by the mention of your baby because all they can remember is his death and not his life.
It is up to me to plan events to remember Angelo on his birthday. If I don’t, his birthdate just becomes another Wednesday or Thursday to the family. I am the one who reminds my son to give a little shout-out to his baby brother in heaven every once in awhile. I am the one who has to decide what to say when people ask me how many kids I have. I sometimes say “two,” then guiltily send an apology in the general direction of the sky. I sometimes say “three,” then see the shock cross the other person’s face because I forget that the thought of a baby dying is so far removed from their lives that it’s like a Taser to the conversation. The next minutes are spent reassuring them that it’s okay and it will never happen to them. Like, our baby died but we knew about it ahead of time, so no biggie. Or: our baby died but if he had lived he would have been a vegetable so what a blessing, really.
When the shock value has worn off their faces then I ask if they saw The Office this week and you can tell they’re glad I asked.
So when MB posted this picture on Facebook last week for Pregnancy and Infant Loss day (October 15) I felt so understood. MB, who is still in the throes of grief, has the grace to take care of others around her.
I’ve always hated exclusive clubs but I am so so grateful to be a part of this one.
Thank you, MB, for sharing…everything.
If you want to see more of Reese’s story, you can check out the blog MB started.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Baked rigatoni with bechamel sauce and prosciutto
Butternut squash soup
Salad with roasted pears and cranberry vinaigrette
Biscuit quince pie