We discourage Vincenzo from using potty talk outside of telling us he needs to go to the bathroom or that he needs help wiping or that Rocco was left naked in the nursery, pooped on the floor, and is eating it. * That sort of thing. He’s actually pretty good about not going to crazy with the poop and potty talk. In fact, I’m beginning to realize it’s me and Kevin who need the lecture, as was made evident from this bout of pretend play last night.
CHARACTERS: RACHEL as DRAGON, an immature and despicable creature; KEVIN as FOOTBALL BEAR, an even more immature and despicable creature, and VINCENZO as HIMSELF, a child whose gets his kicks by handing each of his parents a stuffed animal and then sitting back.
SCENE: Vincenzo is wearing FOOTBALL BEAR’S helmet; FOOTBALL BEAR is looking for it; DRAGON is conspicuous by his absence
FB BEAR: Hey. Has anyone seen my helmet?
VINCENZO: [Wearing helmet] No.
FB BEAR grabs helmet; struggle ensues; FB Bear reclaims helmet and puts it on head.
VINCENZO: [Angry, IRL] HEY! That’s not FAIR. I was wearing that helmet.
DRAGON: Psst, hey Vincenzo. You’ll never guess what I did this morning.
DRAGON: I POOPED in bear’s helmet!
VINCENZO washes hair
FB BEAR: I am hereby and henceforth changing all poop everywhere in the world into… FUDGE!
FB BEAR removes helmet and begins eating from it
VINCENZO: That looks yummy!
FB BEAR shares “fudge” with VINCENZO. DRAGON excuses himself to make his own batch of fudge and returns, eating it.
FB BEAR: Hey Dragon, I heard what you did in my helmet. You know what I think about it?
FB BEAR pees on dragon.
DRAGON: [Looks momentarily disgusted, then is struck by an ingenious thought] I’m hereby and henceforth changing all pee everywhere to…LEMONADE!
VINCENZO: Lemonade? I love lemonade!
DRAGON: [holding out arm] Here, have a lick. It’s really good! Hey FB Bear, what do you think of that!
FB BEAR removes football pants, pees into cup.
FB BEAR: Lemonade for sale! Get your fresh, warm lemonade here! Lemonade for sale…
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Salad with blue cheese, roasted walnuts, and cranberry vinaigrette
Fudge and lemonade
*I do not deserve to have kids.