10. She went on vacation and taught herself to cable knit, then came home and made a cable knit sweater. I went on vacation and taught myself how to sit in the hot tub with my hands up in the air so my fresh manicure wouldn’t get messed up.
9. She spent a summer siphoning out water from her baths to water the yard. I spent a summer letting Vincenzo play with the hose for hours every day while I read US Weekly.
8. She wanted to make a piece of art using recycled household items and spray paint but decided not to because she didn’t have enough spray paint on hand and didn’t want to buy new ones because of the environmental impact. I used eight cans of spray paint on paper mache rocks and eggs for Vincenzo’s birthday and sold the remaining, half-used cans to the neighborhood kids.*
7. She is a vegetarian because of the inhumane treatment of animals and the environmental impact of raising animals for food. I eat meat because flavor is more important to me than those things.
6. She used to volunteer at Paws. I used to volunteer at Baskin Robbins. (And demand a paycheck twice a month.)
5. When she wants a new pair of shoes she simply paints—PAINTS—an old pair of boots she has. As for me, I think I’ve posted enough pictures of my shoes/shoes I plan on buying for you to know I’ve never painted a pair of shoes in my life.
4. When her 1990 Saturn got banged up years ago she duct taped one entire side of it back together and is still driving it. I don’t even have anything from my life to compare this one to.
3. She saved my parents a lot of money by dropping out of high school, then marrying money. I made my parents pay for my college education before marrying money—and I went to college for five full years instead of just four. Hey, they were paying after all!
2. Last time she was over, she asked if she could collect pine needles from my yard to weave into a basket. My neighbor and I keep talking about cutting down that tree because its friggin’ pine needles keep messing up our yards.
…And the number one reason my sister is more a better person than than me is:
1. The only thing she asked for for her birthday, the only thing, was a 20 pound bag of organic brown rice.
I think just to feel like a better person, I might ask for a 19 pound bag of organic brown rice for mine.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Cheesecake with blueberry sauce
*I feel it necessary to add that I’m JUST KIDDING. I just huffed that stuff myself.**
**Again, JUST KIDDING.