I live in Seattle, and in case you haven’t heard, it snowed here. I know, I know! Get down off the table—this is a thing that really happened!
I refuse to use that word where you combine snow + armageddon to get a word that is trying too hard and that I heard one brony at the gym saying to another brony at the gym, stripping away the word’s last chance at being taken seriously.
Some primal instinct set into everyone around here and we all kept going to the store to buy things. Tuna! I only have one can of tuna! I’m going out! My two minute drive to the store suddenly became a 40 minute drive. Bananas were the first thing to go. You could get plantains, but they are the Cousin Eddy of the banana world and everyone kept walking past them, trying not to make eye contact. I filled my cart with all the staples: butter, sugar, brown sugar, powdered sugar, eggs, cream, and these:
The checkout lines stretched halfway down the aisles and everyone kept remembering things they forgot and running back to get them, only to find someone had toed their cart a few spots back. One guy made it all the way up to the cashier before he remembered the hollandaise sauce. He wouldn’t leave his cart. He called the manager on his cell phone. “Hollandaise sauce! I need some Hollandaise!” At the last second, the manager came running up to the checkout with the store’s probably last jar of Hollandaise. We erupted in cheers. We cried. We shook is hands.
Back home, I ordered the boys to fill up a bathtub of water. Whenever they’re thirsty I send them to the bathroom. Vincenzo asked if he could have infinite cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning. I yelled at him, “IT’S SNOWING! IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED OUTSIDE IT’S SNOWING! WE’RE ON CINNAMON ROLL RATIONS!” I’ve hidden the fish food in case things come down to it. We’ll eat the goldfish first and if it is still snowing, we’ll move onto the fish food. I think we can hold out until 5PM tonight before things get that bad though.
This is what the end of the world looks like.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Raspberries (3 each)
Hard tack (1 each)
My leather purse (free for all)
Bath water (1 cup each)