QUICKIE: Vincenzo: “Mom, I want to change my shirt.”  Me: “Why?”  V: “Because this one has a sticky booger on it.”
Kevin went down to Vegas last weekend, which stirred up some mixed emotions within me.  Last time he went to Vegas and came back with this Louis Vuitton bag that I tried on with every pair of sweats I own, but it just wasn’t the right color of eggplant to pull it off.  I promptly returned it. 


But then just last month Kevin came home from a business trip laden with gifts for himself and Vincenzo, but absolutely nothing for me?  I tried to return it, too, but apparently it didn’t come with a receipt.


This time, though, he struck the perfect balance.


Shirts.  I love shirts!  But the shirts weren’t what got me excited…it was the bag they came in that did.


(It got you excited too, didn’t it?!)  Won’t the other kids at the playground be jealous when Vincenzo pulls his PB&J out of this wonderful display of…of whatever exactly this is?  He’ll probably crack a joke or two about how smoothly yo’ mama spread the peanut butter his bread, give himself a high five, then run off to try his hand at the monkey bars. 

It just seems like the next logical step for a kid whose splat mat promotes booze and cigarettes, don’t you think?

Teriyaki chicken
Something else, too

Splat Mat Take II

I just wanted to give an update on the Splat Mat post from yesterday.  I submitted a comment to Just Buzzin By’s website and within 10 minutes got a phone call from a really nice lady who said that yes, the smoking skull was picture on their website sample, and the reason the sample is no longer up is because they’re sold out of that pattern.  In fact, it’s one of their most popular mats.  She also said I’m welcome to exchange the mat for a different pattern, but I wasn’t listening anymore because the very nice lady had just said the P Word, and she had said it about something in my posession.

Popular.  Popular?!  Could this Splat Mat be the first in a string of events bestowed upon the popular crowd, like sitting in the back of the bus and being beckoned to the cool kids’ table in the cafeteria and never ever wetting his pants in elementary school and all the way down the line to where Vincenzo has a short but very lucrative career as an Abercrombie & Fitch model which lands him a spot on Real World?

I am so keeping the Splat Mat.  At least I know Vincenzo will be in good company on that seedy street corner some day.

Believe it…or not

QUICKIE: Vincenzo to Kevin: “Remember when we had a whole day full of fighty-ness?”
Kevin worked on the playground all week, sometimes getting up at 5:30 to start on it and coming in after 10PM, even though the box claimed, “EASY ASSEMBLY!  4-8 HOURS!”  Either my husband is a little s-l-o-w or the box really meant to claim, “EASY ASSEMBLY!  48 HOURS!” in which case that hyphen between the 4 and 8 was put there by a disgruntled, underpaid employee who wanted to take out his revenge on some unsuspecting, first-world, (possibly s-l-o-w) dads.

Either way, I can’t believe it!  I can’t believe this is in my backyard now!*


It goes right into the file of other things I don’t believe, such as:





A Very Speidi Wedding

Copper River salmon with tarragon cream sauce
Grilled squash and mushroom skewers
Salad with honeyed rhubarb and goat cheese

*Not pictured: 20-foot drop off to a set of train tracks just feet from the end of the swingset

Thanks…for nothing!

QUICKIE: V: “Mommy, what do you want to do now?”  Me: “I thought we’d take a bath.”  V: “No Mommy!  I wasn’t talking to you!”
I was planning on making fun of all of you for choosing the WRONG mantle for my holiday home yesterday, but I got comments from some super cool people who are usually too shy to comment on my blog, so I instead am humbled to thank you for trying to help me out. You guys ROCK and I give you all an A–except Casey, who thought she was above the rules.  She gets a B-.

I have to admit, I had already chosen a different mantle before I posted all those pictures yesterday.  I was just seeing how good of friends you really are.  Are you the kind who would tell me that leg-warmers didn’t look good on me in the 80s and they certainly don’t now?  Would you tell me that balloon skirts really do make my butt look big?  I’m still not sure.  But at any rate, here is the mantle you probably would have voted on, had I given you the choice.


As you can see, the Lord smiled upon my Christmas mantel and shined a beam of sunlight upon it just as I snapeth the picture.

Through all my mantle obsessing and worrying I was hyper-conscious of the fact that holiday decorating seemed to be my biggest concern of the season while thousands of people are worrying about their retirement or their jobs or genocide.  I felt a healthy dose of guilt.  But what can I do?  Make Kevin retire early so we can feel everyone’s pain?  Try to get him fired by sending lots and lots of porn to his work e-mail?  Move my family to a Rwanda?  Instead, I turned my attention to a more pressing area of concern:


The basement mantle. 

Dear friends, these are tough times we are living in.  Tough times indeed.

I don’t know, but I’m sure we’ll eat something.

Rock Band II: The Legend Continues

QUICKIE: Vincenzo: “Mommy, there something wrong with your feet!”  (pointing at my pinky toe)  “This one’s only half a toe!”
Rock Band II came out yesterday and Kevin called home like three times to see if the package arrived.  I told him no every time though honestly I had no idea and hadn’t looked outside–it was just nice to keep hearing from my husband who usually calls home like, oh, ZERO times a day.  The conversation was the same every time, interchanging the word “undies” for other items of lingerie.

K: Has the package arrived?
Me: No.  Wanna know what I’m wearing right now?
K: Have you looked outside for it?
Me: Yes.  Oh darn, my whip cream undies are sliding off.
K: Well call me when it gets there, okay?

Sigh, the game did come and we did play, despite the fact that we didn’t have an X-Box, due to its untimely Ring of Death that neither I nor Cindi Crawford can possibly be held accountable for.  The band rocked out until its members peeled off sporting various injuries such as blisters, torn vocal chords, and Claw Hand.  The band , it ain’t as young as it used to be [two weeks ago].  But!  I did get to make Cranberry Lemon Bars, and nothing says “Livin’ On A Prayer” like watching someone try to eat a lemon bar out of their non-opening claw hand.  It’s downright poetic.

Either turkey dogs, cuke salad, and mashed potatoes or mall food

To the RESCUE!!!

QUICKIE: Vincenzo said he wants to ride a motorcycle when he grows up, but one that has doors on it so he can be safe.


And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, and the reason we have eaten salad at every meal for the past two weeks.  I present to you…




Protecting against soggy lettuce, store bought dressing, and crouton shortages.


Owning these tongs makes me feel like a hero myself.



Breakfast for Dinner!  (my favorite, every time)