I’m not sure…am I supposed to take pictures this year? I haven’t bought the boys a single piece of new clothing since last fall. Do we put on last year’s clothes? Wear pajamas? We have no new shoes, no new backpacks, no new anything. So…no first-day pictures?
Maybe I’ll cheat and put in a summer picture instead.
I was relieved to wake up today without the usual highly flammable emotions I usually have on the first day of school. This fall, I don’t have to have my emotional breakdown! I think I’ll skip everywhere from now on!
At the same time, I am a little remorse that I won’t have long days to myself to read and write, scrapbook, garden, catch up on life, and just plain think. (Dear Lord, am I spoiled.) Then again, it was so rare for me to actually have a day like that, with all the volunteering, subbing, appointments, cooking, exercising, and other Things I Stupidly Sign Up For, so I guess it’s a wash?
Of course, all this means that I have not much to blog about today. Usually I come home from the bus stop, awkwardly balancing the thrill that I have the house to myself for six hours with the heartache that the boys will not be filling up the house for six hours. I take short, shaky breaths the whole way, cry a little bit (but never as much as I think I’m going to), then sit down to edit first-day photos and be with my thoughts and blog something dramatically emotional, full of looking-back and convincing myself this is all normal and okay.
This year, I’ll just get up and make some waffles at whenever o’ clock. I might go for a walk. We’ll all lie around, forgetting it’s not summer. There will be a single panicky moment of trying to find passwords, getting error messages on websites, and frantically texting three sets of friends to see if the same thing is happening to them. And then maybe we’ll go to the beach for lunch.*
I can handle that. I usually panic once a day about something, anyway.
Last night I did have one heart-clutching sentiment. My baby is in high school ! I grabbed Kevin by the arms. It’s going too fast! It’s going to be over too fast and I won’t have done anything and the only thing I’ll want to do is go back and start it over again, and I’ll be sad every day for the rest of my life!
Even without the dramatic, frenzied, emotional first-day send-off, it happened anyway.
They got a year older.
It seems like yesterday they were all waist-height and under, with their chipmunk voices bouncing off the walls, and I was wiping sticky stuff out of their fingers while they pushed away, reaching for something just over there.
It seems like tomorrow we’ll send Leo off to college (or clown school, or Honolulu, or wherever that kid ends up going) and I’ll look at Kevin and say, Welp. That was fast.
I started pressing on the brake with everything I’ve got the minute I first held Vincenzo in my arms.But the brakes aren’t holding and my foot is getting tired.
Okay, so a little emotion showed up after all. Well, la-ti-da! It’s time to go make the waffles.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Loaded baked potatoes
*School is only an hour long this week. I wish it would start like that every year. I never was one to jump in the pool feet-first—I’m a get-in-slow kind of girl.