Because BEES

Stung by a bee. The first day of summer break. The FIRST DAY. This is exactly why I have a hard time with the last day of school. Because BEES. Right on my middle finger, too. I am not kidding you, that bee, which was really a wasp because EFFING WASPS, came and stung me on my middle finger the first day of summer vacation.

I only cried a little. I mean, when the kids got on the bus for their last day, I only cried a little. When the wasp stung me, there was much more swearing and much less crying, plus quite a bit of running because they sent a couple thugs out to finish the job.

Not to mention just a second before getting stung, I got stabbed in the thumb by a thorn and now my thumb hurts.

Since we’re talking about pain,I should also mention that on Sunday Kevin ordered a tea latte to share with me because I can’t have coffee anymore and I took one tiny sip and said, “It’s good—but that’s not tea.” The barrista had made a regular coffee latte. One sip, one teensy weensy teeny tiny sorry little sip, and an hour later I had the worst canker sore of my life. It is still going strong and it’s four days later. Now along with the usual things I can’t eat (coffee, artificial sweeteners, citrus fruits, tomatoes, pineapple) I also cannot eat anything with vinegar, salt, fruit, chocolate, or flavor. I’m down to vanilla yogurt and hard boiled eggs and I am googling things like “Can you die of canker sores” because this one really has it out for me.

And even though I am “living the dream,” as Kevin points out whenever I go down this rabbit hole of self-pity, I am having a no good, very bad day and I hope my mom reads this post and calls so I can say, “I got stung by a bee,” because that’s what you do with bee stings. You tell your mom and she makes you feel better.

Then you send your husband outside with a big can of poison and instructions to kill everything in the hive but make sure he kills that one wasp last so it can watch its entire family suffer and die before he finally succumbs to the poison himself. Then Kevin is supposed to yell to the garden, “LET THIS BE A WARNING TO ALL OF YOU EFFING LITTLE BASTARDS.” And he’s supposed to shake the other, unopened can in a menacing fashion.

I’m sorry. I don’t usually swear in my blog, but I got stung by a bee today.

Vanilla yogurt
Hard boiled eggs

P.S. It did cheer me immensely when I came across this gem from Leo’s one million  end-of-year papers that got sent home yesterday.


He meant “potions,” but I hope he sticks with poisons so I can spray them all over the wasps.

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