Gaga Ball: Blood, Guts, and Glory

My kids are into this thing called gaga ball at recess. You probably don’t know what gaga ball is unless you’re a cheater, in which case you probably do know what gaga ball is. The minute the boys get off the bus they want to tell us all about the cheaters who played gaga ball that day. It’s kind of uncanny, how everyone who plays gaga ball except my two sons happens to be a cheater. Uncanny!

Anyway, Leo made some detailed instructions about how to play, so everything you need to know is right here in this blog post.

You will need these materials:


(If you don’t want to sprain your eyes trying to read the following, you can skip to their transcriptions below.)

(Seriously, the only thing that could have made these instructions clearer is if Leo had written them in Chinese first, then translated them to English.)


First, git a pit. Make soor you don’t can fit in.


Then git a ball. Make shoor the ball dusnot have a hole.


Then have a prsin pic up the ball.


Then have some peeple come in. dont get hurt comeing in.

Then, said, gaga ball.

Last, hit the ball if it hits your foot ore you hit the ball out of the pit your out and tuch the ball tow times and tuch with tow hands you are out

And there you have it, gaga ball! You probably didn’t even finish reading this whole post because you ran out to the store to buy a pit, you were so excited! But I hope you did not do that because you have to hear about the dark side of this game before making any rash decisions like buying a pit. Like how last Monday the gaga pit got closed down because someone puked in it. The next day, someone popped a bloody nose in there (but the pit remained open). The following day, one kid got so mad when he got out that he kicked another kid, who starting spouting off the F word, and when they finally got the first kid to go out, he threw rocks at the kids in the gaga pit. Rocco had a microscopic red mark on his neck as proof. He was very proud of his microscopic mark. He said he got hurt twice as much as any other kid because the rock hit his neck, then bounced up and hit his chin, so he got hit twice.

So let us all take heed and not let ourselves  be fooled by the adorable drawings and sweet, childlike instructions for gaga ball given above. These are actually plans  for the destruction of humankind as we know it. I urge you to delete this blog post from your cookies and pretend you never read it.

And for goodness sakes, take that pit back to the store! What were you even thinking?!

Beef stroganoff

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