On Quitting

Wow, so I just realized how bad it looks to have my last post front and center on my blog on this, the week I started sending a couple things out to agents.  I can just see a potential agent clicking on my blog handle, thinking, “Oh goody, let’s see what kind of an able, confident, healthy-minded person this lady is,” then pulling up all that blarghity blargh.

So here I am, Potential Agent, showing you hey, I’m okay!

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Because the thing is, when I quit writing, I really quit.  I did.  I gave it up.  But this naughty little part of my brain slunk away and sneak-wrote two more picture books and the beginnings of a novel that is the kind of novel I’ve always wished I could write.  When the rest of me read it, I laughed, I cried, I felt things, and then I remembered that the novel I wrote in the fall once did that for me as well.  It could be that my mom and my husband and my therapist are right when they say, “You are too critical of yourself!”  They point out I am never good enough for Me.

And yesterday, my dear friend read my blog and then she called me up to quote myself to me.  She said that a few weeks ago, I told her that writing is hard.  It is so much harder to write than it is not to write.  But I told her that I was doing it because it is turning me into the person I’ve always wanted to be.

As critical as I might be of myself, I have never doubted that I have the very greatest friends in the world.  Thank you so much, Kristen, for reminding me of who I want to be.

Yes, writing is hard.  And beautiful.  And impossible to quit.  The first thing I did when I quit writing was to start a document called “I Quit,” and that’s where the beginnings of that beautiful little book slipped out.  Oops.

All this quitting has made me realize something: I don’t have to write, but I need to write.

But for the record, I quit.  It has been so much easier to write ever since I quit.  And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go not write a book about a rainbow in a very bad mood.

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Things from the frozen foods department, including fish sticks, tater tots, and probably a lot of ice cream. 

Wait—did I quit cooking, too?

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