Feeling Phoney

After years of being begged to, whined at, cajoled, and finally beaten down, Kevin and I finally decided to get Vincenzo a phone. His argument of “Every single other fifth grader in the world has a phone but me” was the one that finally convinced us.

We the fifth grade promotion as an excuse to get him one, but you know me.  I couldn’t just give Vincenzo a phone-sized wrapped gift and call it good; I had to take him on an emotional journey to get his phone.  So I bought a personal fan, emptied out the box, stuck the phone in, and wrapped it up


Then I wrote this message in his card:

For your gift, we thought it was time to get you a personal electronic device.  I’m sure it will make summer even better, and it will definitely increase your “cool” factor.  You’re welcome!  Love—Your Biggest Fans

Then I wrapped the box in paper covered with giant question marks and thought about how excited Vincenzo would be when he read the card, then how crushed he would be to find out the personal electronic device was a fan, but how he’d try to must some excitement about being the owner of a personal fan, then how his hope would rise when we told him he should open the box and take the fan out right away, and finally how he’d break through the atmosphere into space when he discovered the phone inside.

(A+ for transition words, Mrs. Mouthy!)

So here’s Vincenzo, opening a gift that he really hopes is this one thing he’s been asking for his entire life but is afraid to say out loud in case it’s not:


And here he is one second later.


What??!  Where’s the disappointment?!  I have clearly been messing with my boys too often and for too long.  Vincenzo skipped right over the Disappointed and the Recovery stages.  Instead, he went straight to the This is Definitely Not a Fan  phase–which isn’t even one of the phases!

Vincenzo did make me feel a little better when he pulled out the phone and said he couldn’t believe how small his new personal fan was.

And now, it’s official: every fifth grader in the entire world has a phone. 

They say money can’t buy happiness, but money can buy phones and phones, well…


You know.  They don’t keep you cool, but I guess they’re okay.

Going out again.  Must be summer!

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