Crappy Knock-Knockers

Any of you who have kids know that they are the WORST at coming up with knock-knock jokes.  This is something all kids everywhere are terrible at, and yet they somehow think they are comedic geniuses, like anything that begins with “knock knock” ends in uproarious laughter. 

Our boys have been going through a particularly vicious bout of knock-knockitis lately, despite that we constantly tell them they’re not funny.  They are seriously the worst jokes we’ve ever heard.

Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Spaghetti!
Me: Spaghetti who?
Leo: Bowl of spaghetti!  Was that funny?
Me: No.

I go on to explain that generally if you have to ask if something was funny, it’s not funny.  You can tell if something is funny because people are laughing. 

Rocco: Knock knock!
Me: Do we have to do this again?
Rocco: You’re supposed to say who’s there.  Say “who’s there,” Mom.
Me: Who’s there?
Rocco: Pillow!
Me: Pillow who?
Rocco: Pillow blah blah blah!  Is that funny?  Pillow blah blah blah, Mom!  Pillow blah blah blah, Leo! 

I explain that repeating something several times does not make that something funny.  We would have laughed the first time if it were funny; we’re not just waiting for you to say it the exact right amount of times to start laughing.

Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Seriously, I cannot do this one more time.  Kevin?  Kevin, are you home?
Kevin:  I’m here—I’ve got this one.  Who’s there?
Leo: Couch!
Kevin: Couch who?
Leo: Spaghetti and couch!  Was that funny?  Get it?  Spaghetti and couch?  Was that funny, Mom?!

I try to teach them by example.  I tell them a knock-knock joke needs to be clever, needs to include a play-on-words or be surprising, and by all means, needs to make some kind of sense.  Here, I say, like this one:

Me: Knock knock!
Rocco: Who’s there?
Me: Ima!
Rocco: Ima who?
Me: Ima gonna slap the next person who tells me a knock-knock joke!

They laugh.  I point out that this is how you tell if a joke is funny.  The laughter thing.

The other night I was reading from a book that had some knock-knock jokes in it.  Real ones like about interrupting cows.  I finished reading and set the book down, and Leo couldn’t resist.

Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Fanks!
Me: Fanks who?
Leo: Fanks for reading the knock-knock jokes!

It wasn’t good.  It definitely wasn’t a good joke.  But at least it was a step in the right direction.

I leave you with another knock-knock attempt by my youngest.

Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Banana!
Me: Banana who?
Leo: Knock knock?
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Banana!
Me: Banana who?
Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Banana!
Me: Banana who?
Leo: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Leo: Orange!
Me: Orange who?
Leo: Orange you glad I didn’t say “orange?”

And actually, he messed that one up so royally, I actually did laugh.

Homemade mac ‘n cheese
Buttered broccoli
Cherry pudding cake with vanilla ice cream

One thought on “Crappy Knock-Knockers

  1. Oliver is in the same knock knock stage of life. Its driving me crazy. Here is one he does remember to tell correctly. Knock knock. Whos there? Europe. Europe who? No! You’re a poo!

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