Today, approximately 2 hours ago.
Rocco: Leo, can you chew with your mouth closed, like this?
[closed mouth chewing demo]
Leo, angrily: Uhhnnn!
[puts hand on Rocco’s chair]
Rocco: LEO! Why did you push my chair?
Vincenzo: He didn’t push your chair, he just set his hand on it.
Rocco: No he didn’t!
Vincenzo: Yes he did.
Rocco: LEO! Don’t say that to me!
Vincenzo: He’s not saying it to you, he’s just saying it in general.
Rocco: No he isn’t!
Me: CAN EVERYONE JUST STOP PICKING ON EACH OTHER AND DRINK YOUR SMOOTHIES PLEASE??!
Leo: I don’t like it.
Rocco: Me neither.
They went on to tell me why they didn’t like the smoothies and how thoroughly they did not like them while I told them repeatedly okay, I get the message, you know you don’t have to actually tell me you don’t like it, I can see with my own eyes that you are not drinking it.
And yet, the voicing of their displeasure continued until finally…
ME: That’s enough! I know you don’t like the smoothies because you have told me a dozen times over the past few minutes! I’m not making you another breakfast. I have already made you one, plus packed your lunches, sorted through your school papers, folded your laundry, cleaned up breakfast-making dishes, and am right now on the computer setting up play dates for you. All of this I am doing for you. I would like to eat breakfast myself. I’d like to take a shower. I would like to schedule a get together with my own friends, but I spend the whole morning doing things for you, not for me, and all I hear throughout it all is how much you don’t like the smoothies I made you. I don’t mind if you tell me you don’t like something once, but when you tell me over and over again, I can’t help it—it hurts my feelings. I’m tired of it! I’m UPSET!”
Vincenzo (who, you’ll notice, has not said a thing about the smoothies all morning): I’m sorry, Mom.
Rocco and Leo instantly started fighting about something else.
I took out the bead jar that we haven’t used in months and gave Rocco and Leo a red bead (which means they have not behaved well and will now have fives minutes subtracted from video game time).
Rocco started crying and told me I hurt his feelings.
I hurt his feelings!
And he didn’t even make me a smoothie to complain about this morning!
I left the kitchen to cool down and to unload everything on Kevin. When I came back, Leo’s place looked like this.
When I asked him about the plate he said he did it because I hurt his feelings. And also: he doesn’t like the smoothie.
I guess the day would have carried on in just this manner if Kevin didn’t come out and say he was hungry and did I make anything for breakfast today?
I gladly sent the boys off to school this morning, telling them, “I hope you have a good day and that nobody tries to make you a smoothie at school today.”
In conclusion, if you really want to piss off your kids, have I got a recipe for you!
FEELING HURTER SMOOTHIE:
3 peeled kiwifruit
3/4 cup frozen pineapple
1 cup lime yogurt
1 handful fresh spinach
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup limeade
Some amount of honey
(I’m guessing on amounts. They can be adjusted according to how little you like your kids.)
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
This morning’s untouched smoothies, OH SNAP.