BEGIN SCENE: THE BOYS are eating breakfast at the bar and KEVIN, a prematurely graying father, is playing with LEO, a rabid looking three-year-old. The playing turns to over-excited screaming.
LEO, screaming: GIVE IT BACK, DADDY!
ME, without looking up: Play nicely, Kevin. Give Leo back whatever you took.
KEVIN: But he’s talking about my finger!
LEO: GIVE IT BACK!
ME: Come on, Kevin, give Leo your finger back. He was using it.
LEO, squealing: GIVE IT, DADDY!
KEVIN, holding up his hand to LEO: Okay, Leo, which finger do you want? Because I think I know which finger I want to give you…
10 minutes later, THE BOYS have disappeared from the kitchen, leaving a colossal mess that ME is cleaning up.
LEO, calling sweetly from his room: Mom? Mommy? Mommy?
ME walks to LEO’S room and opens the door. LEO is sitting on top of his fire truck bed, aiming a bedazzled Nerf gun at the door.
LEO: Pew! Pew! Pewpewpew! I killed you!
ME: Was that a set-up? Did I just get set-up by my three-year-old?
ME walks out of room, picking up about 8 pairs of dirty underwear that lay scattered around the hallway
A short while later, ROCCO and LEO are playing with trains in the hallway. LEO holds out an empty hand, presumably with a pretend train on it to hitch up.
LEO: Here you go, Rocco!
ROCCO [playing along]: Ooooo, thanks! What is it, Leo?
LEO: A sticky hand!!
30 minutes later, ME and THE BOYS are walking scootering, and/or biking to the bus stop.
ME: Vincenzo, when will you learn? You’re wearing a sweatshirt and shorts to school and it’s 37 degrees outside! VINCENZO looks at his clothes, then back up at ME: I guess some people will just never see sense, will they?
Drum goes ba-duh-dum, ALL CHARACTERS look out at audience and shrug their shoulders, curtain drops.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE: