Wait—I still have kids?!

This week a dear and old-but-not-that-old friend who I haven’t talked with in a couple years asked me how the kids were doing.  You kind of thought they just disappeared when the remodel started, right?  Nah, they’re still around.  And today’s post, sorry to disappoint, does not include pictures of the house but instead it is my response back to my old-but-not-that-old friend who REALLY SHOULD START BLOGGING AGAIN but instead has left me out here in the cold, blogging all alone.

Anyway, back to the kids.  I have three of them, in case you forgot.  Here is my letter to the former writer of MommyBlogYay (the Yay is silent):

We are good but I am super busy with the moving back in thing, and I am not a fun mom anymore.  I am a mom who dusts and unpacks and tells kids NOT NOW CAN’T YOU SEE I AM DUSTING?!  I miss the old me, and I hope she comes back once the dust settles. 

No!  No dust settling!  Once we are settled is what I meant.  There will be no further settling of dust.

Let’s take it from the top.  Vincenzo is, as you noticed, way too big for my liking.  He has suddenly gotten very embarrassed about me seeing him in his underwear and he doesn’t try to have conversations with me while I’m peeing anymore, so I guess I am done raising him for now.  Of course, he still has to ask for help opening Ziploc bags (I point him in Rocco’s direction for assistance) and today I asked him to make a piece of toast for Leo and he came out of the pantry after a five minute search for the bread, then took a piece from the bag and put it on Leo’s plate and didn’t notice that he still hadn’t made the toast.  But he’s reading on a 12th grade level, so there’s that. 


The number one thing he gets in trouble for at school and at home is reading when he should be doing other things, which makes you say awwwww, but which makes me say ARRRGHH.  He’ll be reading a book and getting ready for basketball at the same time, then shows up at basketball practice wearing flip flops.  He’s also obsessed with playing video games, and the obsession is enough to make me want to fake a power outage at our house every afternoon.  We don’t let him play much, and as a result I am seeing some early signs of emo setting in.


Vincenzo has a big stack of unopened Lego sets, ant farms, science, kits, etc. from his birthday in September that he hasn’t played with, either because he has been too busy or because he likes to save everything and not use it up at once.  Either way, I’m considering just wrapping those up for Christmas and giving them to him again.

Rocco is still all talk and questions and opinions, and if I ask him to do something he’ll have a better idea about how to do it, only his better idea is really bad and usually activates my firm-lecture-about-following-directions mode.  Then again, Kevin has actually started preferring Rocco’s help to mine for things like plumbing jobs because, quite frankly, Rocco is a better help than I am.  He is sweet and generous and will give you the piece of candy out of his lunch if you even just glance at it, unless you’re Leo.  If you’re Leo, you will not get the candy. 


Rocco got a ton of Legos for his 6th birthday in the summer and he opened them all and built them by himself in two days.  He keeps asking if he can open Vincenzo’s Legos now.  He had a girlfriend at school but now she says she’s allergic to him and never wants to play with him again, so he was feeling pretty down about it.  When I was in the kindergarten room last week I saw his ex hanging all over a kid named “M,” and some other kid was saying, "Why don’t you love “C” anymore?" so good Lord, I had to teach Rocco what the word "loose" means.

Just kidding, I didn’t do that.  But everything else is true.

Leo hasn’t bitten anyone in a couple months, so we’re feeling pretty good about him.  Of course, the only person he ever bit was Rocco, which may explain the candy thing.  He is a spaz and every time I look at him he is spazzing out.  Running down the hallway with a sheet to see if he can fly; flinging foam letters at the bathtub walls until they eventually all stick; staggering down the hall with five Nerf swords to attack one of his brothers; taking his pants off “just for the fun of it;” sitting on the toilet in a public bathroom and shouting, "Plop!  Plop" each time he lets one fall.  I call him my "random number generator." 

(“Hey Leo, stand over here by this sign…”)

He is the fightiest of the Betos, but he can only give it out and can’t take anything.  Kevin loves to stick him on the ceiling and say he’s stapled there, but Leo screams, "TOO HIGH!" and is truly terrified so we have to staple him to the walls instead now. 


Maybe because he’s my third or maybe because he’s Leo I just don’t get very academic and teacherly with him; we just have fun and mess around all day and I periodically worry that there is nothing in his brain but cheesy smiles and imaginary staple guns, and I just hope someone somewhere teaches him that B is not for Bapple, as I have been telling him.*


So that’s it.  That’s us right now.  Kevin and I are exactly the same, only more tired and cranky.  We were on the computer yesterday and I saw a picture of him from just before the remodel started and I said, "Oh…you looked so young then!"  He had to agree.


Pizza, and I didn’t cook it

*Throughout the day he randomly yells, “A IS FOR APPLE!” and then I add the part about B being for bapple and c being for capple and so on.  It works until we get to the letter L, when he laughs and says, “No, L is for lamp!” 

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