I walked into martial arts last night with a hysterically screaming toddler last night. Here’s what preceded that moment.
We had gotten to the gym a few minutes early and I was in the car with the boys and, having a rare spare five minutes, decided to clip their nails. (I always carry nail clippers around in case such an event occurs because Lord knows we don’t have time for this level of personal hygiene at home.) I pulled up the garbage can and started clipping Vincenzo’s nails.
Me to Vincenzo: I can’t wait for the day you learn to clip your own nails.
V: I can clip my own nails.
Me: Then why don’t you? It’s not like you can’t see that they’re long—they’re part of your body, after all. I only see your nails a couple times a day.
Rocco: No…you see Vincenzo’s fingernails all the time.
Me: How could I? Vincenzo is at school all day.
Rocco: But his nails are so long you can still see them from home!
Me: I see your point. Vincenzo is at school doing math with his left hand while his right hand’s fingernails are scratching on our front door.
Rocco: Why are you clipping his nails into the garbage?
Me: Because it’s gross to have nail clippings on the floor or your seats.
Leo: Why you throw them away??!
Rocco: But it’s not gross to have just one nail clipping on your seat.
Me: Is this conversation seriously happening? Yes it’s gross to have even one spare nail clipping around.
Rocco: But you could save them.
Me and Vincenzo: GROSS!
Leo: WHY YOU THROW THEM AWAY??!
Mom: What would you do with all those nail clippings, Rocco?
Rocco: I would put them in a jar and put it on my desk.
Me: Rocco, only creepy people and psychopaths do that! Am I having a weird dream or are we actually talking about starting up a collection of fingernail clippings?!
Vincenzo: I can pinch you…
Leo: WAAAAAH. DON’T THROW THEM AWAY-HAY-HAAAAY! WAH! WAAAAAHHHH!
And that is why I showed up to martial arts with a screaming toddler under my arm.
(If you need to get ahold of me over the next few days, I will be busy replying to all hate mail from nail clipping collectors out there who are offended at the name calling I did in this post.)
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Vegetables with hummus
Kitchen cupboard cookies