The Royal Wedding, Cousins Version

And now for all the scoop on the wedding of Rocco to his cousin, Queen Elsa (nee Princess Elsa).  I don’t want to get sued by the royal family so I am blurring Queen Elsa’s face in these photographs.  😉

Rumors of the wedding began on Sunday evening, shortly after JJ received a blue dress for her fifth birthday that transformed her into Princess Elsa.  The minute JJ became Princess Elsa she was determined to be Queen and the natural choice for her king was Rocco, being five-years-old and a boy and all.

But the commonwealth was kept waiting for this royal wedding, as the young couple wouldn’t commit to a date and kept getting distracted by all the buttons there were to push in the hot tub.  On Tuesday, August 5, it was announced they were to wed, but then Rocco said maybe tomorrow instead because, “There are all these plans in my head.”

The commonwealth hardly dared breathe.

The following day Rocco recommitted to the wedding when he heard the princess talking about the cake table and the gift table, and preparations began.

At this point it should be pointed out that some of the commonwealth started murmuring things like, “Does anyone else think this is kind of creepy?”  But it was determined that certain members of the commonwealth had their own unique histories and were in no position to deem the marriage of these two as creepy.

At noon on August 6, MrsMouthy clapped her hands together and said, “Okay, let’s get these cousins married!” 

The wedding was held on the front lawn with a poolside reception following.  MrsMouthy was chosen to perform the music: a hummed version of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” as per the groom’s request.  Vincenzo was chosen as minister.

Things started out beautifully, the bride in a blue polyester-blend dress adorned with a plastic crown and the groom in his best “VOTE 4 ME” shirt and signature cowboy boots:


Alas, at the end of the stairs the groom quite literally ran away from the wedding aisle and just kept running and running, his young bride in pursuit.


The bride gave up on him and went to the altar on her own.  By then, another young cousin had stepped in to take Rocco’s place.


Rocco eventually claimed his rightful place at the altar and gave the minister the customary punch in the gut.


The minister did a great job keeping the mood light, especially when he accidentally gave Rocco his own middle name and didn’t know what to call JJ/Jacquie/Jacqueline/Princess/Queen Elsa.  They were pronounced fake married.  Bubbles were blown.  Leftover birthday cake was served.  The commonwealth assured themselves this was positively not creepy at all and was in fact hilarious.

Then, the next day at breakfast, Queen Elsa and King Rocco were spotted walking hand in hand, Queen Elsa looking lost in a dream, one hand gently cupping her stomach.

And that’s where it got, admittedly, creepy.  Once we finished laughing as hard as we could while trying to look like we weren’t laughing at all, we had to put an end to their fake marriage and fake baby and all.  We pulled them aside and said the game was over, pretend time was up.

Everything went back to normal after that, except for JJ occasionally yelling at Rocco for abandoning her all alone with their five babies. 

And that’s where things went from creepy to real.  Because honestly, can you blame her?

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