Kevin knows not to play the Game of War with me. No, not the card game…the game where, for example, one person continually leaves his shoes mere inches from the shoe rack but fails to put them on the shoe rack, so the other person politely asks him to put them on the shoe rack and even clears off one of her own shoe racks in case that would help. That one person continues, however, to leave his shoes on the floor, so one day when he goes to put on one of of said shoes he finds they have gone missing. He apologetically approaches his wife, who puts him on a reward system to earn shoes back with good behavior, so for two weeks the husband is begging the wife to break the garbage disposal one more time just so he can fix it and earn back the silver Pumas that look like he stepped in a pot of gold paint.
(I totally don’t “get” these shoes.)
Anyway, the other night when we went to bed, only one of our two good sleeping pillows was on the bed, the other being three levels deep in a fort that took up our whole living room. Kevin, being a man of chivalrous times, might have gone to fetch said pillow, but having long left his chivalrous ways behind him said instead, “Hey, I got the one good pillow. I’m not sorry.”
I sent him a text that night warning him to watch his step. These situations never end well for him.
That morning he went to the dentist and ended up with a surprise root canal. Surprise!
That afternoon this happened to Kevin on his lunch break.
I’m not saying I planned these events to happen, but I’m also not saying I didn’t because it’s just too perfect. Kevin came home from work and told me okay, we’re even. I raised an eyebrow and asked, “Oh, are we?”
That night when he went to bed he found that all the pillows on his side of the bed had been swapped out for “bad” pillows.
Of course, this plan backfired because I forgot Kevin goes to bed two hours before I do, so he snagged my good one and left me with the bad one once again.
So, Kevin, I hope you slept well last night on that good pillow, because this means we are no longer even. You might want to stay on campus for lunch today.
Of course, as I am the one who packed your lunch, it might be safer to go out to eat.
And don’t worry about that chipped tooth next to your root canal tooth…I’m sure that one won’t need a root canal next time you go in.
There are two things you shouldn’t mess with: Karma and your wife’s sleeping pillow.