Did you guess it? Did you guess the theme of Kevin’s stocking yet? UNICORN FARTS! The theme arose from my husband’s love of both unicorns and, well, farts.
Farting has always played an important role in our relationship, such as the first time we said I love you. Really, our whole marriage pivots around that one odorous place in time.
Lately, though, Kevin’s gas has been PISSING me off. It’s gotten louder, longer, and smellier. He blames Brussels sprouts; I blame him.* I mean, I know he loves me but I just wish he maybe loved me a little less. Or that he loved me from a different room.
I think part of my issue lately is how Kevin acts after he passes gas, when he turns to look at me with a look that says “MEDAL PLEASE!” There is pride in his face, and that look people get when they when an Oscar–elation with a bit of fake surprise that he actually produced that himself.
I’ve let Kevin know how I feel about his inappropriately proud gas-passing attitude. So now when he needs to fart he first announces “I am not proud of what I am about to do.”
He is such a bad liar.
WHAT’S COOKIN ‘2NITE:
New York steaks with Boursin and Merlot sauce
Asian pear, pecan, and craisin salad
*For all those who just looked up “Brussels sprouts” to see if I misspelled them, BOO-YAH. (Do people still say that anymore?)