Hardest husband to buy for

Do any of you have a spouse who tells you they don’t want anything for Christmas this year?  That they already have it all?

Yeah, I have one of those too.  You think your spouse is the hardest person ever to buy for?  I’ll give you second hardest, but not THE hardest person to buy for.  Mine owns that title.

In all twelve years of knowing him, there has only been one year that I knew just what to get Kevin.  It was when he was playing Rock Band with his BILs every week so I decided to buy him wireless guitars.  The only problem was I needed to ask him a question about them before ordering and when I did he said, “You know, I don’t really want the wireless guitars.”

The very next week he ordered himself a set of wireless guitars for rock band.

Last year I got him a pair of footed pajamas that he returned the next week.  Then guess what he bought himself this fall?  A PAIR OF FOOTED PAJAMAS.

Even Santa has struggled.  Kevin has gotten themed stockings for the past few years.  One year it was Puma themed, then zombie themed, and last year (my favorite) was teenage girl themed, but even these have all bombed.*  I just cleaned out the cloffice last weekend and ended up with a whole box of stocking stuffers from the past, all unopened, that I had to bring to Goodwill.

Maybe this year Santa will get smart and just fill his stocking with a big check written to Goodwill.

Me on the other hand?  I am SO much better to buy gifts for. I understand how hard it can be to buy your loved one gifts so I stop buying stuff for myself mid-September.   My coffee pot broke a month ago and instead of buying a new one I have been drinking instant coffee and will do so until December 25 when I get a new coffee pot for Christmas.  I am also using a pair of holey rubber gloves to wash dishes and have not bought new light bulbs for the kitchen when they burned out this fall.

It’s not just me, either—I stop buying stuff for the kids as well.  Vincenzo’s backpack has holes in it and school work keeps falling out of it, and I figure the worse it gets and the more valuable items he loses, the more joy there will be on his face come Christmas morn’ when he finds a brand new backpack under the tree.  It’s true!

Some people would call me lazy.  But the reality is that I am the better person in this marriage.  I can actually give my husband a list and that he can purchase things from and these things will make me very happy on Christmas morning.  I am anticipating that morning when I turn on the lights in the kitchen and they go on (!!), then I make myself my first cup of real coffee in months and afterwards I wash the pot without scalding my hands.  And I will turn to Kevin and tell him he got me the greatest gifts ever.  I am allowing my husband to bring me that happiness rather than buy the things myself and making myself happy.

See what a good and generous person I am?

But noooo, not Kevin.  His jeans got a hole in them so last weekend he went to the mall and came home with a whole BAG of jeans he bought himself.  He bought toothbrushes for himself when he ran out, too.  And soap!  A huge bottle of soap!  And when the light in his car went on warning him that his tires were dangerously old he went straight to the dealer and got new ones.  Seriously!

So when I asked Kevin what he wanted for Christmas this year he predictably told me he can’t think of a single thing.

I’m sure you all agree with me now when I tell you that my husband doesn’t want anything for Christmas this year because he is a selfish jerk.

But I love him anyway.

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Hot dogs
Hamburgers
Cougar Gold mac ‘n cheese**

*Except the Justin Bieber duct tape.  That has been well used.
**Thanks for the can of cheese, C.  That was the greatest gift anyone has ever left on my doorstep!

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