Yeah, so, as I was saying, my boys can turn anything into a competition.
For example, if I give each boy a container of blueberries to eat they’ll each have a couple. But if I put one bowl of blueberries between them both and say, “Make sure to share…” every last blueberry will be gone in seconds.
My zoo vet friend once told me that’s how they get animals to eat when they’re not thriving: two animals, one food bowl. It makes sense, when you think about it. On a basal level, your siblings are your biggest rival for resources because your resources come from the same place: Mom and/or Dad. Your friends aren’t as big a threat because they have different resources (their moms and dads).
I’m going to describe two different real-life competition scenarios from last week and before you read about how they went, I want you to imagine how they went. No reason; just might be fun for you.
Situation A: Kevin comes home with a Slurpee and pours the boys each a cup with their own straw and puts them at the table.
Situation B: I give each boy a hard-boiled egg for breakfast.
Any guesses? How are these seemingly harmless, neutral situations going to go wrong? How could identical Slurpees and identical eggs become a competition? Am I just messing with you and in actuality the boys quietly drank their individual Slurpees and politely ate their hard-boiled eggs? Read on.
Situation A: Slurpees
Kevin leaves the boys alone with their Slurpees and I come into the kitchen 60 seconds later to see each boy standing on their chair, reaching their straw up as high as they can, saying, “Look how tall my straw is!” “No, look how tall mine is!”
Betcha thought they were going to go for the amount of Slurpee in their cups, right? Nah. At least there is some creativity involved.
Situation B: Hard-boiled eggs
Vincenzo, pounding his egg on table: Rocco, look how cracked my egg is.
Rocco pounding his: Look how cracked mine is.
V: That’s not very cracked! Mine is more cracked.
R: No, mine is.
V: Mine is WAAAYYY more cracked than that!
R: NO! MINE IS! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE IS!
So I stopped the Slurpee straw competition and pointed out there was no good way that could end. At no point would one of them say, “You know, you’re right. Your straw is much taller than mine, and I respect you for that.” For the hard-boiled eggs I skipped the logic and just yelled, “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A FIGHT OVER WHOSE EGG IS MORE CRACKED. I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS RIGHT NOW.”
In conclusion, sibling rivalry does not make for good breakfast conversations but does make for good though completely unhelpful blog posts. Or at least mildly interesting ones.
What? You think you can do better? Think your kids are more competitive than mine?
No way. My kids are WAY more competitive than yours.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Chocolate chip cookies