My little newborn is sixteen months now (!!) and there are a few things he’s learned about life and the world, and he’d like to share them with you.
10. If I’m allowed to do it, I’m not interested.
9. Mom’s arms exist primarily to provide finger handles to assist me in walking. If there are other uses for her arms (and I really don’t think there are), then they are going to have to wait.
8. There is nothing cats love more than a good game of chase.
7. Anything that Rocco wants, I NEED.
6. Everything in the English language can be expressed with the word “ENH!” and an outstretched hand. (See fig. 1)
5. The one with the spiky hair is my biggest competition. The one with a book is pretty harmless and is sometimes helpful.
4. All crises, large and small, can be deescalated by playing with my hair. (See Fig. 2)
3. I have never successfully escaped a diaper change, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got the next one.
2. Dad is hot lava.
1. If it looks like paint and it feels like paint then you should taste it because paint probably tastes really good. (See Fig. 3)
Take these lessons and go in peace. I love this little stinker—crazy right eye and all.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE: