We took a trip to Chicago over the weekend for a memorial for Great Aunt Em, who died at a ripe old age last year, so it was a happy celebration of life. As always with my husband and his family, we laughed our way through the entire vacation. Here are a few highlights:
1. Me, emerging from bathroom: Kevin, I think my hemorrhoids are finally getting smaller!
Kevin: Are you sure your butt’s not just getting bigger?
2. The memorial was held at a golf course. As soon as we got inside the club Leo was hungry so I sat down and fed him some banana, but apparently I sat in a seat that someone else had planned on sitting on so I was asked to move. Then Leo needed to nap so I went outside to walk him, but got lectured by a guy in a golf cart and told to walk somewhere else. Then Leo fell asleep so I sat outside the club next to the stroller, reading a book, but was escorted to a spot behind the club to read my book. Here’s how that all looked in texting form:
Kevin: Speeches just finished, kids eating. How bnthe walk?
Me: the walk bnthe good. leo sleeping. so far today I sat in wrong seat, walked on wrong path and sat on wrong lawn. u better watch who I get into bed w/2nite
Kevin: they don’t allow women here, maybe put on a burkha or something. Dad says if you were a guy, you could lay out naked.
Me: OK. I’m going to attempt some genital self-mutilation now…
3. Kevin had a conversation with his cousin at the memorial that went something like this:
Cousin: We want to have five kids. First a boy then the girl, then the other boys.
Kevin: Did you remember to fill out the baby gender paperwork when you got married?
Cousin (laughing): No.
Kevin: Oh no! Then you’re just going to have a bunch of random children!
4. On the flight home Kevin spent some time standing at the back of the plane rocking Leo and chatting with a lady and her big, burly, flannel-clad husband:
Big Burly Guy: So are you a fire fighter?
Kevin: Me? No. I work for Microsoft.
Big Burly: Wow! I just assumed you did something physical because of your size.
Kevin: How about you? I take it you’re a lumberjack?
Big Burly: Me? No. I’m a hairdresser.
More on our trip tomorrow. Rocco on the plane deserves a post all in its own.