When Moms Poop

I miss pooping alone. It’s like this for me now:

[SCENE] The kids are playing quietly and Leo is napping, and the moment has seized me so I seize the moment. As soon as I sit on the toilet, Rocco shows up like a crow at your picnic.

Rocco: Hi, Mom.
Me: Hi.
R: Are you pooping?
Me: Yes, yes I am.
R: Can I be the flusher?!! [wedges himself between me, the bathtub, and the back of the toilet to get a better view]
Me: *plop*
R: Ooo, nice poop, Mom! Should I flush it now? [starts pushing down the handle]
Me: No! Stop! I’m not done yet!
R: Why, Mom? Why are you not done?
Me: …
Me: *plop*
R: Now are you done going?
Me: Not really.
R: [FLUSH!]
Me: Okay, I guess I am then. [begin wiping]
R: [FLUSH!] HEY IT’S NOT FLUSHING! MOM IT’S NOT FLUSHING! IT WON’T FLUSH! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Me: Settle down, Rocco. You have to wait for it to fill up. And besides, I’m not done wiping.
R: That’s a lot of TP, Mom.
Me: I know. I know it is.
R: Why did you put a nursing pad in the toilet, Mom?
Me: That’s not a nursing pad, it’s a hemorrhoid pad.
Vincenzo: Hi, Mom. Will you read this book to me?
Leo: Waaaaaahhhh!
Rocco: [FLUSH!]

[END SCENE]

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4 thoughts on “When Moms Poop

  1. Yes, well the first half of the story has been MY experience as well….didn’t know that was part of the “grammy” job description.

  2. I know way too much about what goes on in your bathroom woman! And no I didn’t manage to stay healthy.

  3. Perfect! I’ve been there only with 2 less kids helping. My favorite is when she wanted to help with the pads and tampons. nice.

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