I’m so excited…I just discovered I have a plantar wart! Oh frabjous day! Caloo calay! Someone get me to a disco ball ‘cause I feel like DANCING!
Okay, so normally a plantar wart would not cause a person to be excited, but I am thrilled for two reasons:
1) I thought my foot was bothering me because of a sprain I got almost two years ago, and this was just how it was going to be the rest of my life and I would never get to wear heels again. I was just going to chalk the foot pain up to getting older. But lo! It’s just a wart that I can get rid of for a $6.97 box of fancy band-aids! I am not condemned to a life of flat-bottomed shoes!
2) I had a plantar wart once before and it was the coolest thing ever to come out of my body. (The babies were pretty cool too, but you’d know what I mean if you’ve ever had a plantar wart.) I was going to insert a picture from the Internet of a plantar wart but all the pictures I could find were either too gross or not gross enough. All I can say is the one I had looked like a white, screw-shaped thing the day I pulled it out and it made me want to both vomit and also post a picture of it for all the world to see on Facebook. And this was years before Facebook was even invented.
Once again this week I have managed to post about something completely gross. I’ve gone from snot to hemorrhoids to plantar warts…and this time I don’t even have a cute baby picture to soften it up. Will this cross-eyed one do the trick instead?