1. I would like to wake up before the kids just one day. Just once. Christmas Day would be great.
2. Correction: I would like the kids to wake up after me just for one day. And not right after me, but like an hour or two after me.
3. Remote-control carpet that I could roll out throughout our upstairs when the kids want to wrestle or practice jumping as far as they can off the couch or doing timed sprints down the hallway, then roll away the rest of the day to reveal gorgeous, unmarked, highly polished hardwood floors.
4. Toys that throw themselves away when they sense that they are annoying to me or are not played with for a couple months.
5. For my ears to be reconfigured so that they enjoy the sound of whining
6. For everyone to start thinking minivans are cool
If you get me all this, Santa, I’m pretty sure we’ll also instantly achieve world peace.