I’m not hosting Thanksgiving this year (truthfully, I’ve never hosted it) but I love to do all the cooking and fill my house with people, so we decided to cook up the works this weekend. We called it Fakesgiving. Today I ate a turkey, cranberry, and mayo sandwich for lunch and pumpkin pie for a snack, y’all. BOO yah.
So in hosting a Fakesgiving I learned a few tips I thought I’d pass on to any of you who are hosting real Thanksgiving this year:
1. The two hours you spend smelling turkey giblets boiling on your stove to make stock for the gravy are not worth it. Just use chicken stock and dare anyone to mention it.
2. Always invite a surgeon to your Thanksgiving dinner because he will do such an amazing job carving the turkey that you will tell him you wish it were you he were cutting up instead.
3. Also invite over some Wisconsin Cheeseheads because they will bring a cheese ball that will end all other cheese balls.
4. If you are having five children over, ages six and under, and they are all boys, be sure to stock up on Legos, swords, and Ibuprofen.
5. If the five boys create a sovereign nation during the course of the evening, and they make themselves a flag out of paper and blue window markers, and you may later notice a copious amount of blue window marker on your living room carpet. Do not cry. Just remind yourself as you’re scrubbing the carpet that you are now one giant step closer to the hardwood floors you always wanted.
6. If during dinner you notice that there is also blue marker on your expensive, beloved living room drapes, then go ahead and cry.
7. Then have a slice of every kind of pie there is and you will forget about the drapes.
Happy Fakesgiving everyone!