Angelo’s third birthday

So Saturday was Angelo’s third birthday.  Or the third anniversary of his birth, which feels more accurate to say because I definitely don’t imagine him as a three-year-old; he’s always a newborn.  For his first two years I looked forward to his birthday—it’s a spoil-our-kids kind of day, full of treats and “yesses.”  But his first two birthdays also ended with me feeling totally depressed and lost, so this year I was kind of dreading the date.  I’m happy to report that, except for a bit of crankiness in the afternoon, the day was as happy and celebratory as I planned it to be.  Thank you to everyone who thought of Angelo and our family this weekend.

I wrote this in the journal I keep on Angelo that continues to grow, three years after he left us.

This year, as Angelo’s birthday approached, I spent time thinking about how long he lived and how it was just enough time to make me grow and to make my heart turn into the sky. I thought too how it must have been just the right amount of time for Angelo to be on Earth. (After all, it’s not all about me. )  Angelo did everything he needed to do in 7-1/2 months. He popped into existence and despite every odd stacked against him, he grew and grew.  He somersaulted and turned flips, he wiggled his toes, he practiced breathing.  He knew the unconditional love and comfort of a mother.  He grew.  I grew.

Then around 6-1/2 months he knew he had done enough, and he quietly just stopped growing then. He must have known I still had some growing left to do so he stuck around another month for me, becoming more and more tired until he finally fell asleep forever in my womb.

And then I got to hold him and see him with my own eyes and feel his weight in my own arms and I put that little angel into my heart, which could hold him now because it had become the sky.



I also want to thank MaryBeth and her mom for the beautiful bouquet and handmade keepsakes you brought over.  They are cherished.

Baked potatoes with creamed eggs (for her)
Baked potatoes with cheese sauce and bacon (for him)
Pasta with cheese sauce (for little hims)
Beans in cider vinaigrette (for all)
Lemon lime bars

2 thoughts on “Angelo’s third birthday

  1. I thought of your Angelo this weekend when I saw a bouquet of tulips. I found myself smiling, thinking of your beautiful family.

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