I Hope You Dance

So, we got the new Microsoft Kinect game system (overnighted the day it was released because my husband understands NOTHING about holding out on things until Christmas.  Christmas morning is about as exciting in our house as President’s Day morning.) 

Back to the Kinect.  I used to be a Dance Dance Revolution junkie until we upgraded to XBox 360 and our chubby pad wasn’t compatible.  I’ve actually been clinically depressed ever since then, but my friends, the cloud has lifted!  We’ve got Dance Central now!  I’ve been practicing my p-p-p-poker face so much it looks like I’ve been botoxed and I’ve danced so much I’m beginning to think I am this sultry, smooth 20-year-old red-headed biatch.

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Over the weekend I learned such moves as Bum a Ride, The Helicopter, and my favorite, The Back which is a misnomer, as the move is very clearly The Spank.  I cannot wait to hit a real dance club.  I’ll be pulling out Double Dig ‘Em and a swarm of college guys will come over and start fawning over me and then I’ll lean into their ears and softly tell them what it’s like to pass three babies through a hole ten centimeters wide and then to feel every poke and pull as a doctor sews up the rip you got down there.

Too much?

Right.  Other than dance, I also tried out the workout DVD which is like doing Tae Bo in super super slow motion.   a…n…d………………k…i…c…k………………………….a…n…d………………………………s…q…u…a..t…………………………………….a…n…d………………………………finish a scrapbook page……………………………….a…n…d………………………………….…s…q…u…a…t……………………….a…n…d…………………………………go grocery shopping………………………………………a…n…d………………………………

Fortunately the workout gets better and faster the more you do it, and it seems to have the same kind of addictive properties for me that killing zombies has for my husband.

Other than that Kevin and I spent a lot of time trying to make our avatars touch each other’s butts in Kinect sports  and photo bombing each other’s race-finishing shots.  I can’t really explain what that means; maybe I’ll figure a way to upload some photos here by the end of the week.

In summary, get yourself a Kinect.  Or invite yourself over so you can play my Kinect.  Bring your own suspenders.

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Salmon with blackberry hollandaise
Mashed potatoes

3 Things

Thing 1: Our housekeeper has already paid herself off.  This is the amount of binkies we had before she came this week…

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…and after.

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It is so liberating to not have to buy a dozen binkies every week and to not spend the wee hours of the night crawling around under Rocco’s crib looking for binkies.  All this, and the bathtubs are no longer pink. 

Thing 2:
Vincenzo couldn’t find a toy tool he needed last week so we decided to clean out his bed to look for it.  His bed, mind you—not the cab to the fire truck nor the top of it; just the area where he sleeps on a toddler-sized mattress.  We didn’t find the toy.  Actually, by the time we cleaned out the bed  we couldn’t find Vincenzo anymore either…

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Thing 3:

V: Do we have to move all our stuff when we move houses?
M: We’re not moving houses.
V: But what if our house burned down?  Where would we move to then?
Me: We’d rebuild our house right here.
V: But what if there was a ring of fire all around the house?
Me: It would eventually burn out.
V: But what if it didn’t?
Me: It would have to.  Fires need fuel.
V: But…what if there were monkeys everywhere?  What would we do then?

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Fall vegetable  and chicken stew
Baked potatoes

Halloween.

This picture demonstrates why princesses usually marry knights, not dragons.

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It also shows why dragons are now extinct (would you mate with this?).

Here’s the whole fam: princess, dragon, dragon, Iron Man.

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Oh SNAP!  It’s actually an Iron Dragon costume! Because Iron Man is cool but Iron Dragon iswell, it’s Vincenzo.

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Trick-or-treating.  I love that Vincenzo is still young enough that when a house gave out glow sticks instead of candy, he nearly peed his body suit with excitement.  I also love that he came running up to me after every house to show me what was in his bag.  I still matter.

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Back at home I suggested Vincenzo empty out his candy bag and organize his candy.

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Well, at least he doesn’t seem to have OCD.

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Leftover chicken/stuffing
Chicken with mustard sauce
Maybe other things too

High society

After watching a few video clips of Gilbert Gottfried on the Internet, Kevin and I decided to go with the comedy club option for our date on Friday.  The announcer guy was pretty funny, especially the part about midgets; the intro act guy was funny, especially the part he did on midgets; and Gilbert Gottfried was…he was exactly like we saw in on the Internet (yes, including the part he did on midgets).  I mean,  he was exactly like we saw him on the Internet—word for word, pause for pause, head rub for head rub.  Seriously, I don’t know how this guy has any skin left on his forehead by now.  Anyway, you realize how much comedy is about the element of surprise when you watch an act that you laughed at that afternoon and that same evening it doesn’t even make you smile.

What our date was really about, though, was food.  The night started with a filet mignon and caramelized onion potatoes for her and “the world’s best burger” for him.  We chased it with a Kahlua-and-cream dessert drink and cream sherry.  As soon as we got up the next morning we went to Denny’s for matching grand slam breakfasts with strawberry milkshakes and gingerbread hush puppies on the side.   Oh man.  If Kevin and I had more babysitters we’d each weigh about 300 pounds.

The strangest thing happened at Denny’s though.  We’d been there several times before and always ate in the main room with all the other no-namers, but for some reason this time the waitress asked us if we wanted to dine in The Lounge.  I had always seen this door on the outside of Denny’s, painted bright red and with a sign declaring it CHEERS WEST.  But we were never dressed right or never smelled right sor omething because we had never been invited into The Lounge before.

But not Saturday.  No.  Saturday was OUR day.  The waitress took one look at us and ushered us back into a windowless room where everyone around us was drinking Bloody Marys and watching movies without the sound and the waitress seemed to know everyone’s name and the overweight mailman with the moustache at the bar was really quite funny.  It was a club!  A secret society!  A junior league of the elderly and depressed!  Like, I haven’t seen a club this tight since my high school formed a chastity club in the 90s.  I mean, you kind of got the feeling that the couple sitting across from us showed up for breakfast the morning after their wedding 50 years ago and just never left.

We’re still not sure why we were invited into the lounge.  Did we look especially old that morning?  Did they mistake Kevin’s four new caps on his front teeth for dentures?  Did we finally get that old people smell down just right?

Who knows.  All I know is that it’s been two days since we got invited into the Denny’s lounge and Kevin and I are actually still sitting here, ordering another round of Grand Slams, this time with the pancakes a little thicker and the butter on the side and—well, Carla knows how we like them.  All we have to do is wave a hand in her general direction and the pancakes come.  Kevin loves it here because every time he says one of his cheesy one-liners, someone presses the laugh track button for him.  I love it here because they said they’re going to add ice cream and caramel sauce to the hush puppies next week.

So, Mom?  Dad?  Give our best to the kids.

Does anyone else hear the Twilight Zone music?  Or is that just here in The Lounge…

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Chicken with cranberry apple stuffing
Pumpkin Pie
(If, that is, we can get Carla to talk the head chef into it)