1. Stubbing your toe twice and slamming your finger in a door once before 8AM.
2. Realizing you scheduled a 9:00 doctor’s appointment for your baby that day and knowing that he naps at exactly 9:00. Every day.
3. Getting to the doctor’s office and being told you’re an hour early for his 10:00 doctor’s appointment.
4. Everything that happens in that extra hour.
5. Spending a couple hours at your Hispanic friend’s house and realizing on the car ride home that you said things such as, “Rocco is very size for his age,” and, “Vincenzo hoards babies.”
6. Coming home to discover you must have signed some paper somewhere that made the bathroom remodelers install this in your new bathroom.
(Seriously, didn’t they stop to think when they were replacing my white baseboards with brown ones that maybe, maybe, there was some misunderstanding?) (I mean, I know leg warmers and blue eye shadow are back, but I’m pretty sure brown baseboards aren’t???) (The worst part is we probably paid $800 to have poop brown baseboard installed.)
7. The baby skipping his 2:00 nap.
8. Feeling like the only thing holding you together is the babysitter coming over at 4:00.
9. Getting a phone call from the babysitter at 4:00 saying he’s not coming.
10. Going to make a butter cream sauce for dinner and realizing you have only shortening in the fridge.
11. Your cat cuddling with you while you fold laundry, sitting on all the various piles, then as he walks away, noticing a gigantic dingleberry that explains the poop smell all over your now dirty, neatly folded laundry.
12. [Insert heartwarming anecdote about how it’s not really all that bad here.]
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE: