So Vincenzo turns five this week and I will spare you the I-can’t-believe-he’s-a-whole-hand-sob-sob saga and cut right to the chase: the party this coming weekend. I should tell you you’re not invited because party things come in packs of eight and while I personally think eight kids is too small of a party, thinking about having sixteen kids here makes me start itching all over. And I think you know my family enough by now to know I’m not going to buy sixteen party blowers unless every last one of those bleepin’ blowers gets blown. So eight it is.
You are also not invited because the invitations had to be hand delivered.
As you can see, ABBY was invited because she lives within driving distance.
The invitations call on Vincenzo’s loyal colleagues to find and return seven eggs to the nest of FlameFright the dragon before he wreaks havoc on our peaceful village and turns everyone into shish kabobs. Happy birthday to you.
We sent the invitations out before we really had a plan for the party, but Grandma Beto came through by sending out a few months’ worth of Enquirer magazines and so I began to work on making paper mache dragon eggs out of SITUATION’S FIERCE GAY SECRET and KELSEY GRAMMAR BABY TERROR.
But I still had about 20 magazines left over so I decided to make a paper mache rock.
Then a few more.
Then a whole quarry.
Which led to my husband creating the rule that there will be no paper mache-ing between the hours of midnight and 5AM in our house. But he didn’t say anything about painting dragons between those hours, so…
Once that was done I still had about a month before Vincenzo’s party would begin so I made placemats…
and added flames to the favor boxes…
and the windows…
and a half dozen apples…
The party goes down in a week and I am completely restless. What am I supposed to do? Make the cake a week early? Tattoo individual dragon scales all over my body? Actually set fire to the front of our house so our place looks more authentic?
Kevin thinks I should spend it making some appointments with my therapist. Something about “issues with anxiety.” That, or he thinks I should maybe get a j-o-b.
But nah. I’ll probably spend it trying to keep Rocco from ripping all the flames off the windows. That and figuring out a way to incorporate two dozen paper mache rocks into the party.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Penne a la vodka sauce