Here are just a few pieces of last week:
V: Guess what I saw today?
V: A green bug. Only it was blue.
2. Dad showed up to Rocco’s hair party and said of his wig, “I inhairited it from your mother.”
Vincenzo: Mom, wanna know a secret?
Me: Sure. What?
Vincenzo: [whispering] I shot you and you’re dead.
4. My in-law’s neighbor called 911 and when the paramedics rushed to her door, this conversation ensued:
EM: Why did you call 911, ma’am?
Elderly neighbor: Because I’m in so much pain!
EM: How long have you been in pain?
Elderly neighbor: Ohhhh, about two months now…
5. We had a bunch of kids over one day and afterwards I noticed a smoke alarm had *somehow* been knocked off the ceiling and was laying on the floor. I asked Vincenzo if he knew who did it and he said yes. I didn’t care who did it but thought it would be fun to have him describe him/her to me and I’d draw the culprit, police-profile style. So everyone, please be on the look out for the Smoke Alarm Bandit, last seen wearing this darling sailboat shirt. She shouldn’t be hard to miss.