How did he go from this…
…so quickly? He changed from pure, still serenity to pure, hilarious motion in one year’s time, and he has been a pure joy every step of the way.
We’ve changed too. We’re more tired, for starters. We’re more likely to opt for an evening in than going out or even having people over. We often have to split up instead of sticking together due to the boys’ different schedules. We stopped worrying about what Vincenzo lost when his brother was born and are instead excited about what he gained. We laugh even more than we did before Rocco was born.
Here’s something I wrote when we were still enjoying Rocco’s newness at the hospital. I was hopped up on new-mom hormones at the time, so my apologies.
We’re living in that time where you measure the baby’s age not by months or days, but in hours. In minutes. The time where you look at your spouse and recall what you were doing yesterday at this hour, and it is both remarkable and mundane in relation. Where you look out the window at cars and people going by and it seems like a movie because inside your room time has stopped and other places have ceased to exist. We’re living in that time where you wonder about the people who pop in and out of your room, having ordinary days that will be followed by ordinary evenings while your own day is so extraordinary that you feel you are being born for the very first time yourself. Everything that was old is new again.
It is just my husband, newborn Rocco, and me in here, and something else that has settled on us that I can’t explain. I’m afraid to leave the hospital because I know we will leave this place and time behind. But I am also excited to put this new baby in all the places of my life and see how he fits; to see what needs tweaking and what feels just right as it is. I’m eager to live in the moment for this baby instead of wishing for tomorrow or yesterday. Because that is the only chance I have of making time feel like something I can handle.
I want my tiny baby forever. And I want him big. And I want every second in between. I want even the spaces in between the seconds.
And in this moment, at least in this moment, I know I have them all.
Happy birthday, Rocco. You will always be my baby.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Pear, caramelized onion, and gorgonzola pizza
Heirloom tomatoes in balsamic vinagrette
Salad with pear and craisins