Great Grandma and Great Grandpa are just as sweet and charming as they look in this picture. My MIL describes G.Grandma as Raymond’s mother in the show Everyone Loves Raymond. She is a feeder, if you couldn’t tell by looking at her and G.Grandpa. When you’ve eaten until you think you can’t eat anymore she pushes the tip of your nose and if it’s squishy at all it means you’re not full yet. It’s always squishy. Noses are made of cartilage.
G.Grandma has this thing for Dunkin’ Donuts. We never visit Chicago without her showing up with a dozen. Or two. Or three dozen. For the eight of us.
We saw Grandma’s car pull into the driveway on Sunday at 7:15 in the morning. I was just coming out of the bedroom and I saw my FIL clearly panicking, running into the living room with a bag of bagels he had bought for breakfast that morning that he now had to hide before G.Grandma saw them. It was as if the Nazis had shown up and we needed to get those Jewish bagels to the hidden room—STAT!
G.Grandma came into the house carrying that bag of donuts like an ER Medic carrying a medical bag. “I’VE GOT THE DUNKERS. I’VE GOT THE DUNKIN’ DONUTS. EVERYONE SIT DOWN. I’VE BROUGHT THE DONUTS!!” Like if she had shown up at 7:16 instead of 7:15 (or 10:00 as was the agreed upon time), it would have been too late—we would have already eaten fresh fruit and granola and fallen dead instantaneously from lack of unsaturated fat.*
I had heard Dunkin’ Donut stories like this from Kevin’s parents, like the time G.Grandma brought Kevin and Wendy a whole box of marshmallow-filled ice cream cones and as soon as she left my MIL scattered them on the lawn for the squirrels. Unfortunately, she didn’t count on G.Grandma forgetting her purse at the house and pulling back into the driveway, to the sight of a dozen squirrels running around the yard with pink, purple and orange marshmallows hanging out of their mouths.
Or the time my MIL had put her foot down and told G.Grandma to NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES bring donuts to a party because there was going to be cake and ice cream and cookies. She felt relieved when G.Grandma showed up empty-handed, but the relief was short-lived when she noticed G.Grandpa being suspiciously overly social with her. Turns out the great grandparents were working in cahoots to get the kids their Dunkin’ Donut fix: G.Grandpa was distracting my MIL so that G.Grandma could feed them pieces of donuts out of her purse.
So we ate more than our fill of Dunkers under G.Grandma’s watchful eye, then ate lunch at 10:00 because that’s how they roll, and when it was time to go I opened the closet to get G.Grandpa’s coat and there in the corner was that bag of terrified Jewish bagels, huddling in the corner. I felt like a hero, closing that door then turning around blank-faced and casually telling the G.Grandparents goodbye.
So that’s Kevin’s grandparents in a nutshell. A pink-frostinged, sprinkle-laden, cholesterol-packed nutshell. We love them to pieces.
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Rigatoni with roasted vegetables and fresh garlic
Salad with grapes, buttermilk blue cheese, and candied almonds
*G.Grandma proudly pointed out that the Dunkin’ boxes read “No saturated fat!” and told us all that means the donuts are fat free so they’re actually good for us.