This will only be funny if you speak rudimentary Spanish

…which is more than I can say for my Spanish students themselves.

I’m teaching my mom and sister Spanish once a week and if things keep going the way they are, I just might retitle the class “Spanish for Dummies,” with all due respect.  And as you will see, there is no respect due.

The first week of class my mom, who was a teacher herself for 20-some years, lost her Spanish book and came to the next class without her homework.  I lent her my book.

The following week we had to cancel class because Mom forgot she had Bunco group.

The next my sister was sick; no class again. 

When we finally did get together, Mom forgot her Spanish book my Spanish book at home. 

This week Mom finally remembered to bring my book to class but left her own at home and proceeded to write notes all over my pristine pages.  She also took a phone call halfway through class and told the caller, “I should probably go because I’m in the middle of Spanish right now.  I mean, it’s just my daughter so it doesn’t really matter, but really, I should probably go.”  I gave her a look that said, “Yeah.  You should probably go, Mom,” but as I was looking at her in Spanish I doubt she got it. 

As for the classes themselves, they go something like this.

Hermana: Piz, por favor? 
SraMouthy: Piz?
Hermana: Yes, I need a piz.
SraMouthy: What’s a “piz? 
Hermana: You know…la piz?  Pencil?

(For those who don’t speak Spanish, that’s the equivalent of the time Vincenzo called Kevin a “dult.”  Because, you know  a…dult.)

Or I’ll tell them to open their books and this will happen:

SraMouthy: Abran los libros.
Hermana: [polite smile]
SraMouthy: Los libros.  Abran los libros.
Madre: [to hermana] Psst pssst psst
Hermana and madre take their pens out of their purses, lay them on the table, and smile proudly up at me.   

I might as well just get a job teaching astro physics to second graders in an inner-city school.  They might not all come to school with their piz, and they wouldn’t be able to even afford libros so that they could forget them at home, but there’s a chance they might at least know how to swear in Spanish already.

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:

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