Honey DoNothings

I’m taking the kids on a train down to Portland for the weekend, leaving Kevin at home to play video games and poop with the bathroom door open.  He asked if there’s anything I want him to do, and I’d like to say “no” like I did the last time I left him alone for the weekend so he can really and truly relax, but that last trip taught me something: the man needs a to-do list.  So here it is, Kevin, because I love you and our marriage:

1.  There’s this thing to the right of the sink.  It’s big and square and silverish; it kind of looks like a mini refrigerator.  It’s called a dishwasher [dish-wosh-er], and if you open it up you can put your dirty dishes right inside it!  If you would like to know what else it can do with the DISHWASHER [dish-wosh-er], call 1-800-LAZY-ASS.  Ask for me.
2.  Flush the toilet at least once a day.
3.  If the cat poops or vomits on the carpet, I’m not asking you to CLEAN IT UP or anything, but at least cover it with a nice teacup or something.
4.  Please embroider all the towels with an artsy-but-not-overdone version of our initials.

That’s it; that’s all I need you to do.  The pantry is stocked with quinoa, bulgar wheat, and acacia berries, so you should be able to pull together a few meals for yourself.

Chicken and dumplings (hey, it was a huge recipe)
Mac ‘n cheese

2 thoughts on “Honey DoNothings

  1. That is the funniest honey-do list I’ve ever seen. Don’t forget to add: there is a basket (whatever you call it in your family) in the bedroom, it’s for the clothes that you’ve worn and want washed. Your dirty undies go in it, not in front on the floor, or on top of it, but inside it.

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