Okay, show of hands: how many of you left for a Christmas party this year looking more or less like this…
…and came home looking more or less like this:
It happened as soon as we showed up for the party—half an hour early because yes, we are 70 years old. Kevin was handed a Snuggie and given a stack of liquor tickets he needed to pass out to everyone who showed up. It’s not that Kevin was on any sort of planning committee or anything for this party; it’s just that his coworkers, it soon became evident, are accustomed to making Kevin do things they personally don’t want to and Kevin, it soon became evident, is accustomed to wearing a Snuggie at work.
I had no idea.
Then someone said, “Hey, you wore your party Snuggie tonight!” And someone else said, “That’s nice you put clothes on underneath it this time!” Kevin fessed up that he has a bright orange one at work he refers to as his “hunting Snuggie,” and sometimes he asks other people wear Snuggies in his presence. I’m not sure why, but I feel a bit like Tiger Woods’ wife right now…only if Tiger Woods were Ed Grimley.
Anyway, while Kevin was enjoying his own warped idea of fun, I was really on a roll. I was introduced to a guy named Craig and as I shook his hand I said, “I read your list all the time!” (This was followed by a few seconds of awkward silence before the few seconds of raucous laughter.) (Sometimes it’s tough being the only genius in the room.)
There was a pool shark there who played a game of pool against me and gave me some tips along the way. When he missed a shot, I gave him a few tips too. After teaching me a couple things he said excitedly, “I could take you in about three hours!” There are several ways this could be interpreted. Choose the one that is most interesting to you. Keep in mind the guy looked like your grandpa.
The best part of the party was the photo booth which we in no way monopolized.
(There are more, but you get the picture. Get it?! Oh, that’s right, you probably didn’t because the photo booth was being hogged.)
I met a bunch of Kevin’s coworkers I hadn’t known before and couldn’t get over how young everyone was. Then I realized it’s not that Microsoft is hiring younger and younger people, it’s that after eight years of these Christmas parties we have somehow gotten eight years older. Nobody told me it was going to be so hard to be 25 years old!
WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Mama Costco is on duty!