The NEW holiday season

QUICKIE: Vincenzo, after I explained that Seattle is called the Emerald City because everything here is so green: “But I’m not green.”
I don’t want Christmas to be next friggin’ week.  I still want to go ice skating and to the zoo lights and to Snowflake Lane and I think I forgot to tell Santa about the yacht.  I haven’t even played a round of Christmas songs on the piano while my family joyously sings along and it’s hard to sing the word “joy” because we keep looking at each other and smiling, so it comes out more like “joaaaay.”  You know.  Like we do every year.

So.  I am proposing a new holiday schedule that is more conducive to my making merry during the Christmas season:

Late November: Thanksgiving
Late December: Thanksgiving II
Late January: Christmas

Okay, before you get all, “But you can’t just move Jesus’ birthday!” on me, his real birthday was more like May 14th, 6BC, for Christ’s sake!  (I’m not swearing; I’m just referring non-facetiously to Christ’s sake.)  Anyway, this new holiday schedule solves so many problems.  Instead of deciding which side of the family to spend Thanksgiving with, Thanksgiving has conveniently multiplied by two.  Now not only can you see Buppa on the first Thanksgiving, but you can also see Bampy on the second one.  Plus, you to eat turkey, mashed potatoes, marshmallow yams, and green been casserole. TWICE.  In TWO MONTHS.

And also with Christmas two months after the first Thanksgiving, we get four extra weeks of Christmas trees and Bing Crosby and modern-day tales of the nativity where Mary is a street walker and Joseph is a gansta’…or something like that.

Is it just me, or does this not solve all the world’s problems?

Mo’ chili
Mo’ cornbread
Gingerbread cheesecake

6 thoughts on “The NEW holiday season

  1. I seriously agree. I never get enough of the holidays. Especially this year. The people in this town just don’t really celebrate Christmas. I am missing Christmas so much. I feel like Im in the movie the Grinch except he didnt have a change of heart and it was all gone. *sigh*

    Anyway you are so right. Extension needed.

  2. If nothing else, one extra week, for the LOVE of God! And here I am referring to the love – like – disinterest- or perhaps any other negative feelings- one might have for God.

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