Who IS this kid?!

QUICKIE: V: Mom, is this milk cold?  Me: Not really.  V: Can you colden it for me?
I kid you not, this all happened in the same day.*

I was driving back from the bookstore and from the backseat Vincenzo piped up, “Mom, if Daddy, Chuck Norris and me had a race, who would win?”  After a long discussion of roundhouse kicks and ninja turtle shells, we discussed the meaning of a “no-win situation.” 

We got out of the car and Vincenzo aimed his battery-powered toy drill, which he has been calling a “blaster,” at the sky.  He fired off a few shots and said something like, “I just shot God.” 

When we got home, the contractors were pounding away at the deck and Vincenzo said, “Look, Mom!  They’re using a staple presser!”  I asked if he meant a staple gun and he said, “No, Mommy, we don’t say the word ‘gun’ in this house.”  So to clarify, this child who just shot God will not say the word “gun” for fear of being struck down where he stands. 

At dinner that night Vincenzo thanked God for “blackberries, raspberries, and BOM!” and Kevin pointed out we should maybe pray for God’s quick and complete recovery, after today’s shooting incident.  After dinner Vincenzo handed me and Kevin each a penny, then held up his own penny.  “I’m going to use this to buy a Spider Droid at the Lego store!” he informed us.  I couldn’t hug him big enough.

Then I went to find Rocco’s SSN to set up his college account and Vincenzo asked what I was doing.  When I told him he said, “A college account?!  I don’t think Rocco will be too happy about that.”

Then I bought this picture from Vincenzo for a penny:


(He had put on his shorts backwards, looked behind him at the opened zipper, and said, “Mom, I’m too big for these shorts!  They won’t close in the back!”)

Today at lunch Vincenzo told me that for his next birthday he thinks he’d like an I-Phone.

And you know?  I think I’m so confused after all these conversations that I just might get him one.

Kevin’s Surprise


7 thoughts on “Who IS this kid?!

  1. Where can I get a Vincenzo? Seriously, Im going to need one, he makes me laugh through every post. After God is done recovering, if you could get Vincenzo to tell Him that V is in demand. Thanks.

  2. Suzanne–It turned out to be KFC. A cultural experience for me.

    Stephanie–Why didn’t I think of that? Ingenious!

  3. Wow, you guys are sooo weird! If it wouldn’t destroy your family I would totally suggest a reality show.

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