Kevin B.M.

I’ve been blogging for a little over a year now and have pretty much told you everything you know about me, so welcome to a series I call “Kevin: Before MrsMouthy,” or “Kevin: B.M.” for short.

So back in high school Kevin ran for class president with the campaign slogan “His Ears Are Straight.” His main opponent’s ears were, apparently, not straight. While the other candidates made promises for improved cafeteria food and longer passing periods between classes, the only campaign promise Kevin made was to grow his hair out for a year. By campaign speech time, he had already grown a bit of what would turn out to the the nappiest white guy fro’ ever in the history of white guys with fro’s.

At some point during the campaign Kevin was made to remove the “His Ears Are Straight” signs, and also the “Kevin: He’s Not Just Another Pretty Face” ones.

That brings us to the night before the election, when Kevin’s friends who worked at Mrs. Field’s Cookies “accidentally” baked a couple hundred extra cookies. Being highly sensitive about not wasting food, they brought the cookies to school the next day and passed them out in front of the election boxes. I believe they also mentioned Kevin’s mafia connection to everyone who took a cookie.

I am sorry to report that Kevin won the election. I totally would have voted for the guy with the crooked ears over the white guy with a fro.

I should mention now that the same year, back in my own hometown, I lost an election to a guy who jumped into a swimming pool of blue jell-o for his campaign speech.

I hated that guy.