Names shmames

QUICKIE: Vincenzo: “Dad?”  Kevin: “Yes?”  Vincenzo: “No, Dad.  I was talking to Mom.”
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The bad news is I woke up at 3AM on Saturday with mastitis.  The good news is I got a bunch of hours in bed with Rocco, and—get this—I read magazines!!!  Lots of ‘em!  For those of you without kids, that’s like saying, “I competed in an Iron Man and wrote the Great American Novel even though I don’t have arms!”  Only mastitis hurts a little bit more.

Anyway, my panties are all in a bunch over this month’s Parents’ Magazine.

P9132348

You all know I would patent Rocco’s name if I could, and have it all to myself, so of course I flipped right to page 116.  Happily enough, there was no Rocco listed.  (Though it doesn’t solve the problem of the pediatrician mentioning the “other Rocco” every friggin’ time we call.) 

Anyway, the thing I’m stuck on is this:

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There it is—the name we were going to give Rocco if he were a girl, and the name I was squirreling away, “just in case.”  (Not just in case Rocco has a sex change, but just in case we decide to add another one to Team Mouthy.)  Ramona.  It’s mine!  Mine mine MINE!  My name that I thought of without looking in any baby book or consulting any baby lists or any third-rate, ten-dollar-per-year magazine.

The magazine also suggests you name a girl “Red” and a boy “Blue” just one paragraph above.  Oh, excuse me, that’s “Red” for boys and “Blue” for girls.  Because that makes sooooo much more sense.  This gave me hope that maybe the magazine was totally kidding and that everyone will just laugh at these name suggestions and no one will touch Ramona with a ten-foot pole.  Ha HA!

Oh, but then that would mean…

Forget it.  Let’s move on to funnier things.  The magazine also suggests some other ideas for how to choose a name, like:

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I wasn’t sure how to interpret this…are they thinking more along the lines of “Snookums” or something closer to “Spot?”  Too complicated.  Let’s try a different suggestion, like:

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“Sasquatch” for a girl, perhaps, and “Moose” for a boy?  Nah.  Too crazy.  But this isn’t:

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Because nothing is more fun than filing for SSN’s for your sons, Diet Mr. Pibb and Curly Fries.

So…if you could name your kid after an 80s movie or a superhero or a beverage, what would you choose?  Let me know.  I’ll just be sitting here, In poring the Internets for the broadway musical version of Ramona’s name. 

Dolly?  Simba?  Jesus Christ Superstar?

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7 thoughts on “Names shmames

  1. We named our cat Rumpleteezer (sp?) from the musical CATS. I think that would make a wonderful Broadway substitution for Ramona. It’s the Rs you know.

    And if I had another daughter I would name her Molly Ringwald as she was key in helping me through my teenage angst years.

  2. Okay, don’t hate, but I considered Beatrice, with the nickname Beezus. Yes I did. And I still think it’s cute.

    I’m actually not allowed to make fun of what people name their kids. I gave up that right when I named my kids after druggies. And the truth is, I sort of LOVE the idea of naming a boy ‘Red’.

  3. They took your Ramona, you shared Jesus Christ and I thought of it even before scrolling down…Oh well, guess I’ll have to go with TOP GUN.

  4. I already named my cat Maverick. The dog is his wingman. I snap my teeth at him sometimes-a la Iceman.

    Dude, everyobody with half an eye has read Ramona Quimby, so don’t get all uppity with “I thought of it myself” crap.

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