If you can dream it, you can do it!

I had an OB appointment yesterday and got some great news…I’m already at two centimeters!  No Lamaze breathing required, suckas!

Being so close to D-Day, I’m anxious to get this baby out so I can stop worrying about cord strangulation and move on to worrying about things like SIDS.  But getting the baby out requires going through labor, and I’m not so anxious to go through that again. 

Over the course of my two previous deliveries, I’ve been administered six epidurals.  Precisely one-sixth of them worked.  With Vincenzo, two different anesthesiology teams stuck a total of four needles in my back but for some reason the medicine line wouldn’t thread through.  By the time they were finished poking eight inch needles into my spine, I was at ten centimeters anyway.

During Angelo’s delivery, the first epidural didn’t take for some reason, and then I got the shivers so badly they almost couldn’t try a second time.  Fortunately the nurse thought to put something in my IV that stopped the shaking and I received my first taste of pain-free delivery.  It was deeee-licious.  Still, the experience left me afraid that my body won’t be able to stop shaking and I’ll be stuck high and dry once more for this next delivery.

So to help calm my anxiety I created this fantasy where I go into labor and stick it out as long as I can at home, controlling the pain with breathing, a couple ice packs, and some gentle aromatherapy.  When I finally go into the hospital, they lay me up on the bed and say, “Holy smokes!  You’re already at ten centimeters!”  A little more pain and a couple pushes later, I’m holding Mbungo and everyone is saying what a champ I am and how much the baby looks like me.

But that fantasy started to seem a little too painful, so I created a new one.  Check it out: I go to the OB for one of my appointments and when she goes to “have a look-see,” she gives a little gasp then pops back up holding my newborn baby in one hand and—you guessed it—a brand new Louis Vuitton bag in the other.

What?  Why you laughing?  I don’t laugh at your hopes and dreams, do I?

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Macaroni and cheese
Marinated grilled vegetables
Salad with raspberry vinaigrette
Jam thumbprint cookies

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11 thoughts on “If you can dream it, you can do it!

  1. Have you thought about a water delivery? Since your body apparently hates you and your epidural attempts, maybe the holistic at home birthing techniques might work. My cousins in Kennewick swear by them (their mom is a midwife).

  2. Fine. You can have your “delivery”. My fantasy is: I wake up tomorrow with a brilliant money making idea, my hair is magically perfect, and I have a 6 pack.

  3. Thanks for the laughs this morning. I hope everything goes exactly as you plan. Isn’t this why you come up with a birth plan?

  4. A minor problem with birth plan number two – the Louis Vuitton. If you give birth to it, I don’t think that you can return it. Plus the doc will need both hands to hold Mbungo’s head.

  5. This post is so funny, and the comments mmade me laugh too…. I think you will need to wash the handbag bfore you try to bring it back, even Nordstrom’s has limits, but I can would love to join in the fantasy. (You really should have thought about hypnosis for childbirth. It at least gives you something to fall back on when medical science fails.)

  6. I love your blog! And yes, this one had me laughing at the end! I came to your site through Lisa Diedrichs…. I work with her. Good luck with your big day 🙂

  7. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. I’m saying a prayer for you as you near your day to deliver that all will go wonderfully well. Epidurals are so very nice when they take (I had the dreaded ‘hot spot’ with my last birth so I learned the hard way that I shouldn’t take it for granted).

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