Kevin and I have been having a debate for quite some time. I think our cat has a problem. He doesn’t. Finally, to settle things for all times while also proving once again that it’s impossible for Kevin to win an argument against me, I started a chart.
Reminder: this chart was to document the cat, not Kevin. Please note that the first column was originally titled simply “LICKS BUTT,” but Kevin started getting technical so we had to add the clarification. The chart itself is hard to maintain as the cat spends 3.75 of its 4 waking hours under our bed, so this is a week’s worth of tallies. As you can see, it appears he licks his badonkadonk (thank you, Internet) twice as much as his other cat parts, which is pretty amazing considering he has such a large variety of other cat parts to choose from.
But that’s not the most disturbing part of our non-scientific study. THIS is:
For some reason, the minute you start petting Clyde, he starts licking you back. In the middle of the night he hops on our pillows and attempts to groom our heads, even clamping down on imaginary fleas and ticks to wrangle them out. I think he once ate a mole off Kevin’s neck.
Anyway, now I know that every fourth time Clyde licks me, he has most recently been polishing his end piece. Buttering his biscuits. Brown-nosing himself.