Kevin gets licked

Kevin and I have been having a debate for quite some time.  I think our cat has a problem.  He doesn’t.  Finally, to settle things for all times while also proving once again that it’s impossible for Kevin to win an argument against me, I started a chart. 


Reminder: this chart was to document the cat, not Kevin.  Please note that the first column was originally titled simply “LICKS BUTT,” but Kevin started getting technical so we had to add the clarification.  The chart itself is hard to maintain as the cat spends 3.75 of its 4 waking hours under our bed, so this is a week’s worth of tallies.  As you can see, it appears he licks his badonkadonk (thank you, Internet) twice as much as his other cat parts, which is pretty amazing considering he has such a large variety of other cat parts to choose from.

But that’s not the most disturbing part of our non-scientific study.  THIS is:


For some reason, the minute you start petting Clyde, he starts licking you back.  In the middle of the night he hops on our pillows and attempts to groom our heads, even clamping down on imaginary fleas and ticks to wrangle them out.  I think he once ate a mole off Kevin’s neck.

Anyway, now I know that every fourth time Clyde licks me, he has most recently been polishing his end piece.  Buttering his biscuits.  Brown-nosing himself.


8 thoughts on “Kevin gets licked

  1. Sadly, making the chart only proves to me that you need help on so many levels, and I’m not equipped to provide that kind of help. 😉

    Kitty should go to the vet if there is a concern. Maybe Kevin will allow kitty to go to the vet if you promise to take down the chart. Or claim that his bad kitty breath is making you even more nauseous and something must be done!

  2. Due to Clydie Clydes crossed eyes problem (noted by more than one person may I add) and that he is mainly black color, maybe he is having difficulty distinguishing his body parts??!!? He isn’t the brightest bulb hence running into closed doors during “play time” with Clara uuuu, grabbing on to doorways with a blank stare, scratching at the shower glass door that is OPEN, shall I name more……. He IS furry though and super sweet. His cutest outweighs the rest.

  3. Clyde licking you is a sincere form of affection which you should be honored and feel flattered to receive – or, he thinks you smell like his butt and you need to be cleaned.

  4. I think you should make small signs that say “Designated Butt Licking Area” and place them around the house, but don’t tape them to yourself anymore.

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