Flakes among flakes

QUICKIE: Wendy to V: “What do you wear when you go out in the snow?” V: “Um, NUFFING!”
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It doesn’t snow much where I come from.  I mean, it did when I was a kid and walked both ways uphill to school, but since my last day of 8th grade we’ve maybe had enough snow over all the years to scrape together one snowman–if we threw in the ice scrapings from our freezer.  This week, however, it’s been snow, snow, snow and we are behaving as expected: like a town of n00bcakes.  Check it out:

1.   Schools were canceled all over the area on Wednesday, not because it was snowing but because it MIGHT have snowed.  As it was, the sun came out, the birds sang, and the only flakes we saw were the ones on TV, reporting on WINTER STORM WATCH ’08 and noticeably over dressed for the weather.

2.  My neighbor has spent the past three days trying to get his car up his driveway into his garage.  Sometimes he tries it from the downhill side; sometimes from the uphill; sometimes he tries to catch his driveway by surprise, suddenly jerking the car to life from out of nowhere and hitting the driveway head-on.  So far nothing has worked, but it was really cool when the car came inches from flipping over and rolling down the driveway.

3.  I waved at said neighbor as he stood at the top of the driveway after another defeat but he just gave me a stony stare.  He probably thinks I’m going to tell him, “All’s you need to do is put some load in the back of yourn truck there,” like everyone else keeps telling him.  That, or he probably thinks it was ME who messed up his beautiful yard with a snowball fight earlier in the week.  (It was.)

4.  My other neighbor was seen attempting to RAKE a foot-deep snow out of his driveway.

5.  We went to Fred Meyer to stock up on storm supplies and it took two hours to finagle the crowd, only to discover they were out of chains, out of candles, out of flashlights, out of fire logs, out of handwarmers, and out of Bud Light.  We bought as much SPAM as we could carry, being the only thing in abundant supply, and went home feeling like rich folk.

Only the kids seem to know how to really handle the snow, as I have seen snow castles and igloos that would make an Inuit swoon.  Vincenzo and I watched from inside as my husband built himself a snowlady with graceful hydrangea hands and a pouty rose mouth.  Now he keeps going outside for hugs.  I’m  not worried though; she doesn’t look like the type who’s going to stick around.

4 thoughts on “Flakes among flakes

  1. I laughed hysterically over the rake!

    As to your neighbour with the truck … you’re right, of course; put a load in the back to weigh those back wheels down. If that fails, cardboard boxes under the back wheels work like a charm. (You put them just in front of the tires, wedging them under as far as you can go, then drive over them. Repeat every time you get stuck.) Or he could pour kitty litter all over his driveway to give it some grit and make it less slippery … CLEAN kitty litter, you freak!

    Happy Holidays from the land of perpetual ice and snow. 🙂

  2. Raking? LMAO! Though I live in a place that rarely even sees rain, so if it snowed I’d probably be out there with a broom (not much worse than a rake!). Are you in Oregon by chance? I’m from Eugene, and my friends there are having to walk everywhere because they can’t drive in the snow.

    Enjoy your Spam!

  3. Man, you should not be giving these posts away for free. But I’m glad you do because I couldn’t afford to pay you what you deserve to read you.

    Hilarious!

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