Butt what?

QUICKIE:  I found my glasses in the crisper drawer of the refrigerator yesterday.  That’s a new low even for me.
My mom is going on a cruise this September and has set a goal to drink a cocktail a day.  Not because she usually gets crazy-drunk and ends up dancing topless on the bar but because she is so conservative she pretty much never drinks.  (She sometimes gets tipsy from her tiny sip of wine at church and has to clutch all the pews to make it back to her seat.)  Being a non-drinker, she has called each of her 5 children this week to ask us for drink ideas.  Ever the helpful children, we have been telling our mother to order drinks such as Sex on the Beach!  Screaming Orgasm!  and Buttery Nipple!  Mom gasps with shock, then whispers, “I can’t ask someone for a buttery NIPPLE!”  We’ve been practicing her miming skills with that one.
We didn’t stop there though.  Oh, no.  By the end of the week we started making up drink names, like Sucking Cowboy Cock!  and Butt Sex!  I’m starting to feel a bit guilty about it.  I have no idea what will happen when she asks a bartender for Butt Sex, but I guarantee it’s not going to be the dreamy concotion of bailey’s, kahlua, and grand marnier that we promised her.
We can only hope that Dad is too wasted from the Bud Light he smuggles onto the cruise to notice anything different about his wife.
Spaghetti with Meat Sauce (thanks, Joan!)
Sufferin’ Succotash Take II
Mango Salsa and Chips Take II

2 thoughts on “Butt what?

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