This SUCKS!

QUICKIE:  Yesterday, I asked Vincenzo if he had just tooted but he said no; that’s just a sound his body makes.  (5 second pause)  I had to ask, “And is that just a smell your body makes?”

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Lately, anyone who’s seen Vincenzo has most likely seen him like this:

 

DSCN5995


It’s G-R-O-S-S.  A few weeks ago he put his hands in his mouth for the first time and I immediately jumped on him for it.  He redoubled his efforts.  I tried teasing him about it and he went all defensive on me.  I tried ignoring it.  He sucked and sucked until he got blisters on multiple fingers and probably a lifetime commitment to the oral phase.  It’s bad.  I used to love to bury my nose in his hair and breathe in my baby’s scent, but now I’m enveloped in an old, sour, spit cloud that could probably be used in chemical warfare.

 

Kevin and I decided this week that the hand-sucking NEEDS to STOP, so we turned to a trusty source: the Internets (I figured one of the three has to have something).  But alas, apparently I am the only parent whose child is a hand-sucker in a world of thumbsuckers.  The only website that gave any kind of handsucking reference at all was this one of an ADORABLE English Bulldog with a hand fetish, and it don’t look like he’s stopping anytime soon, either.      

 

If Vincenzo were a straight-up thumb sucker, we could buy a cute little device to stick on his hands—one that absolutely no one would make fun of.  Ever.  Even if he wore it to school, as some of the parents suggested. 

 

 

sammy&blake-008

 

But alas, they don’t sell five-fingered thumbusters and Vincenzo screams if I try to stick Rubbermaid gloves on his hands (probably because he can’t suck them anymore).  Looks like we’re going to solve this one on our own.  Team Beto, ACTIVATE!

 

PLAN TO RESTORE SON’S CUTENESS


1. Buy a dog’s “chastity belt” and attach to Vincenzo’s head
2. File his teeth to sharp points (they’re just baby teeth, anyway)
3. Rub his hands with jalapeno peppers every morning
4. Amputation (maybe we can make a double appt when I get my wrists amputated)
5. Electric shock
6. Lobotamy

 

We will now begin our efforts, starting at the bottom of the list and working our way up.  And I can rest assured that now there is at least one mention of hand-sucking on the Internet that is actually helpful.

 

WHAT’S COOKIN’ 2NITE:
Salmon Chowdah
Cheesy Focaccia Bread
Salad with Pears and Gorgonzola

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